Darkness Intensified

[Mich]

Another blogger remarked that his words were stifled today. I feel much the same way. The intensity of the darkness is magnified today but I don't have any words to express it. It is beyond words. I just feel so dreadfully ill and feel that some time in hospital would help me but my doctor likes to do everything in his power to keep me out of hospital. I have been there many times and I always come out feeling somewhat better.
My daughter is having a rough start to the school year. She is not focussing on her work, she is doing a shoddy job on her homework and she is not putting forth a good effort to study for tests. She is a bright girl and has always done well. This makes me wonder if this is my fault. Is my depression finally affecting her so badly that this is the result. I know my husband blames me. Whatever troubles Amanda has in life will ultimately be tied back to my illnesses of anorexia and depression.
I must go lie down now and try to bury myself in sleep as an escape from this pain.

[lisalou]

hiya mich,sorry to hear that today is so particularly bad. please don't blame yourself for your daughter's problems with school,i'm sure she's just being a teenager!!!! hope you can get some sleep,it doesn't necessarily solve things but can be a bit of respite.

Thinking of you, Lisa xx

[lisalou]

p.s has your husband actually said anything that makes you think he blames you for your daughter's problems or could it just be the guilt of depression talking?

[xn728]

Rest . but i cant understand a husbands ,lack of understanding ,how much
does he know ,he might just need educating about the illness ,he may be afraid of something of witch he knows nothing ,dont beat yourself up
anymore it only feeds the darkness ,you reply to others so kindly
the darkness has,nt taken you away ,its just made the horizon a little
misty ,it will clear soon and fair weather will prevail xn728

[aim]

I've always said... those who have never been in the depths of depression cannot understand it completely. They can try. They can empathize, but they cannot possibly know what you are feeling. Educating them is a good step to take though.