Depression Understood Forums

I really don't know how I continue to suffer like this every day. What is keeping me going? Is it my kids? How terrible for them to have to live with a mother who is constantly depressed and unavailable to them. My daughter is 13 and probably really needs me right now but I am not there for her like I should be. I try but I know it is not enough. My son is 14 and would probably like me to be more engaged, more tuned in to his life. I hate the self centeredness of depression. I feel horribly guilty that I am constantly focussed on myself and my bad feelings. I should look outward instead of inward so much. I should start with my kids and try to make things better there. I am so desperate for relief from this pain. I need to be free of this. Even though I have only been diagnosed for the past 4.5 years, I do believe I have been depressed since my early adolescence. My parents did not want me and did not like me and I have suffered from that rejection all of my life. I don't want my children to think I am rejecting them. I must find a way to make a change.

look up mich from the place you are now ,i cant keep saying you have to be strong ,i said this in past answers to your posts ,i know that pain ,but
dont do to your children what your parents did to you ,you have not been on here very long ,i think the more you post about your pain on here it may ease a little .we all feel your pain you know ,we dont just read your posts and then move on to another and your forgotton ,i look everyday at yours and others posts to see how things are going .i must be honest i can see your despair,ive read your replys to other posts and you say nice things ,so you do have the gift inside you .this gift was given to you by depprestion .the very thing that makes you feel so very bad .gives you the ability to speak so kindly .one day soon im sure i will see a change for the better in you ,reach out a little further and many hands will hold yours and the pain will ease, xn728