Helping family help you.

[tbear519]

I am new to the forum.

I have been under treatment for depression for about 10 years. I have been on medication for 8 and in and out of therapy for that time. I have been married for 14 years and we have a 4.5 year old son. I work full time after taking 2 years off when my son was born.

I have my good times and bad times. I have been struggling for most of this year with varying levels of depressive symptoms. I become overwhelmed and emotional. I am a negative self talker and am very hard on my self.

With both of us working we are very busy. I do the majority of the home tasks with a cleaning lady coming in every other week. We do shopping together. We both try very hard to ensure each person gets a couple of alone hours every week.

For the past couple of months I have been overwhelmed, quite, some times slow to respond. I have a very busy mind which makes it hard to sleep. We are adjusting to the new routines of son starting school and return to work after the family having the summer off.

The doctor increased my meds (Celexa) two weeks ago to 60mg.

This week the exhaustion (which is a possible side effect) is leaving me in the state that getting what has to be done is about all I can handle.

My husband's behaviour is adding to my stress and negativity right now. He is on me about how unresponsive I have been. How he is lonely. How it hurts him when I don't get excited when he shows me something. This is adding to the demands on me.

I need some advice on how to help him understand and help me.

[Mich]

Hi - have you talked to your husband and told him that since you are feeling so overwhelmed right now, your depressive symptoms are rearing their ugly heads? Your husband might be taking your attitude personally rather than realizing it is a symptom of your illness? I know that unresponsiveness so well. I am very much that way and I know my husband doesn't like it but he realizes it is my illness. You have a very demanding life both holding down jobs with a little one. It will be very important for you to carve out that "me time" for your own sanity's sake. I hope you can do it. *hugs*

[tbear519]

Husband is just as aware of my depression as I am and he is always quick to put the flag up when I withdraw.

He just doesn't seem to understand that I can't just snap out of it.

I have talked with him ongoing about how I am feeling with the med increase. I tell him how I feel in the morning, how my sleep was the night before. We touch base at lunch and again at supper time. He never seems to change his expectations of me. Therefore I pretty much always fail to meet his expectations. Which is not good for my self-esteem or depression. Which we have talked about many times. He just doesn't get it.

We had a talk last night about it. I told him hwo I was feeling and that it was making it harder on me that he was putting all these extra expectations on me to talk when I don't fell up to it and get excited about stupid things that I don't have room for.

His response to me was that he had needs too and was feeling lonely.

I really wanted to shout back at him that I was the one that was sick and he should lean on someone else. But knew that that would just make things worse so I instead asked how we could fix it. When he didn't have any ideas I went to read and sleep.

[crystalgaze]

Hi tbear! Welcome to the forum! I don't know if what I'm about to say will help, but

Do you keep a log/journal? Maybe that will help? Is it possible not to really talk to him about it? Please pardon me for this, but since the talking doesn't seem to be working, maybe there can be another approach, where you can at least shelter/save yourself, so that perhaps you might in the end be in a better state in the end? (which will work out for every one in the end)

When I read what you wrote, I immediately thought: Is there a way to just like smile, give him a hug + a kiss maybe & let him know you are doing your best? (& maybe remove yourself from the space to take your alone time, if you really do need it....) Maybe if you do it then, you will be able to come back at a later time, even if it's later in the day or at night, the next morning + show the support/love/whatever it is he's asking of you....?

Oh I don't know.... The only other thing I can think of is marriage counseling or maybe can you get him to come with you when you go for treatment or something, so perhaps he will be able to see what it is better?

I'm just throwing some things out there & I, in no way, mean any disrespect.

Please take care & try not to take out every thing on yourself. I sincerely BELIEVE that you ARE doing your best. That's all you can do.

I am very hard on myself as well, so I'm talking to you heart to heart because I know how destructive it can be.

Try because I am rooting for you!

Take care, ~Crystal