Emptiness

[Mich]

I thought I was feeling better when I first woke up this morning but depression has its hooks in me once again and is taking me down. It is so hard to breathe, to move, to exist. I don't want to think any thoughts. I want my mind to remain blissfully blank. I go back to bed and I try to sleep away the agony but sleep doesn't come. I try to distract by dog walking & cleaning but nothing will slay this monster. How will I ever become free? I am captive. It takes so much out of me to live each day and I cannot even be a positive beacon in anyone's life. I manage to suck the soul out of everyone I come into contact with. My poor children. I do not rage at them; I am simply distant and unavailable which must be horrid for them. I have no love to give anyone. I have nothing to give.

[xn728]

mich ,you have within you the strength to go on ,you cant give in and let the darkness take you to far ,i know how hard it is believe me ive brought to girls up with this thing eating my soul ,and i have bled and cryed and wished to die ,but i had to carry on ,you have to stand up and turn your back on this and but on the normal mask ,and hide that pain ,you are tired i know ,and through you eyes you see nothing good ,its all put there by the darkness it wants you to lay down and give up ,stand up now and feel the pain but keep it on the inside ,when the sun goes down and its time for you to go to bed ,then suffer there were they cant see you ,i know this sounds bad but dont let it affect them to ,let your thoughts go out to here we are your freinds all around ,think of all the hands reaching out and lifting you now punching through the darkness and lifting you up ,stand up mich ,stand up now use your mind you have the power,,,you are everything your children need ,you have everything to give open your eyes and see how far you have come ,you are not alone
xn728,,,,,ken