Depression Understood Forums

Hello,

I have been struggling with depression and severe anxiety for the past 6 years. Although I have come a long way in my recovery, unfortunately i learned that i will always be dealing with this probably for the rest for my life. I was finally content with myself, but i always get these waves where that statement is no longer true. I am so disappointed in myself. I am sorry if this triggers anyone (TW) but i feel like even when i self-harm, i don't go deep enough. I feel like im not even doing this correct... something I feel like i should be good at. I cant even hurt myself properly. I dont know what i'm doing anymore... I feel trapped yet I know that i have to wake up again and do it all over.

Hello Emily,
I'm Tealeaves. I just posted something about this. So long story short...i believe depression is something your brain is doing on purpose like a defense mechanism. I also believe and agree with you that, there is no cure. And why...because your brain has learned its usefulness, so it keeps it around. Kind of like a go-to... just like you have your go-to's...comfort foods, music etc.

It's using the depression to protect you. I know that sounds silly and a bit backwards (I explain in my post 'Try me') but think of it like this... if your brain was working correctly, it would be thinking forwards but, since it's working incorrectly it's going to think...backwards. Make sense?

There's more but I just wanted to explain why it comes in waves, because it's trying to protect you. So try taking note when it happens ( well you probably won't feel like taking note while it's happening, so take note afterwards) if there wasn't a trigger or even if there was, write it down. Write down anything that you can think of, that happened within a day or two before another wave hit. For example say you don't talk to your sister very often but she calls you and then the next day a wave hits. She could be what's triggering you. I'm sorry I won't be able to tell you any further than that without knowing more.
Also another tool, in the battle with mental health... when you feel like you want to do something but you just can't...tell yourself that... "you don't need to."
Again I know that sounds backwards and it won't work for everybody but, give it a shot. At first your brain might try to argue with you, which is a good thing but... pay attention to your mind... do you hear or feel a click? If yes the keep trying...keep saying it. And even if you don't feel or hear it still keep trying if you're willing to... you might just have a stubborn brain.

You're more than welcome to message me back. I will try to help you, if I can ( I make no promises) but hey what have you got to lose
...good luck!