I started drinking alcohol at my young age

[paoolowww]

I'm 15 and being depressed is making me do a lot of stupid things that are clearly bad and yet I will do them and I do, I don't understand why, smoking a cigarette and drinking alcohol could ruin me in the future, but my goal is to die young or so I hope , the suffering that I carry is ruining me and I can't find any way to improve, nobody cares and neither do I, or that's what I constantly lie to myself, I lie to myself about who I am, sometimes I'm surprised if I listen or I even read my name because I have forgotten my own existence, my age is short and I am very sorry for everything I am doing I have not become an addict yet but it could happen, I always heard that some depressed people repress their pain with habits like getting drunk was a Of the reasons why I've started doing it too