Everyday life. How was your day?
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Hey! I am from Eastern Europe. I have been sick for the last 5-10 years. In the beinning I started to feel happiness and joy very rarely. Then I started to feel emotonless. I was in two hospitalizations to mental hospitals - one in 2020 and 2021. Outcome - anesthesia depression as part of personality disorder, low speed shizophrenia. I feel permanent mental and body pain. Only when I have dreams (sleep) I have normal feelings and joy. When I wake up - I am in this pain again. I am 42. I tried various antidipressants and neuroleptics - almost no effect. I hoped for the newest medicine...but it is very slow. I also tried to play megamillios and powerball through my frends in US - no win. If I win I would try to go to Germany to try the recent psthiatric treatment and pills ....and if nothing helps - euthanasia. I was in church for almost 10 years...but now I do not know much about God. Why does he need that? I also read articles about Life-after-death....hoping that this full-pain existance or permanent nothing are not the only ways of existance. Even in this permanent pain I want to have a hope. That something exists....that I may not have pain - mental and physical. Even in Hell if I manage suicide which I am trying to avoid as much as I can. Sorry for English - it is not perfect.
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