Depression Understood Forums

Over past week I've had the dark thoughts, unable to sleep any decent amount, crying incessively for no reason. I find myself wondering about if leaving my wife, kids and pets is a good idea. Oldest is 18, offers nothing positive. Youngest is 13 and beginning to want her space so Dad's no longer a good guy. Wife is colder than stone. Zero affection, our sex life is basically nonexistant and I've basically given up trying as I'm over being rejected. Were both in our 40s so not old to stop. I have serious issues communicating with her. I cannot put my feelings into words. Her mantra is if you don't like it, leave. Last time I managed to blurt a string of complaints out there was a positive outcome..... for about a week. Back into same pattern and when I bring up the conversation she doesn't recall any of it. I work long and hard at my physically demanding job with painful injuries to both my hands (another story there that's not helping) I feel exhausted. A hug to say thanks would be gratefully accepted but I get pushed away with I'm too busy or get away from me you stink, being the standard reply. It hurts, a lot. I've suggested we go to counselling, why is her response. Leave if you're not happy. I'm scared, downright terrified to leave. She's been in my life for 23 years and it makes me sad, then angry that we've gone from being a happy couple to feeling like she's slipping away due to not wanting me/us anymore. I feel like I'm drowning in sadness and loneliness within myself
Thanks for reading /listening

Even the closest members of family can be unsupportive or not understand how you are feeling. There is someone that will, you have to keep trying and fighting for that change. Dont give up but pursue a good relationship with family, it could be a misunderstanding or how you are coming off. Its like me, even when i am really serious i act in a way that is jokey. I suppose people have their own perceptions. Try to find your support and get clarity from family and friends. You have a support system around you, and people that love you.