Too many balls to juggle

[Monty]

I keep hearing on the news about all these studies that are being done on people who suffer from vary severities of mental illness. I must admit that sometimes I wonder where these people find they need to get this information done. I don't know what brainiac came up with the recent news in our paper 'that stress can cause depression'. Or that not sleeping well can cause a deterimental affect on you work the next day. I should have become a scientist, instead of being a guinea pig.

I have been quite open with my bipolarII,obsessive compulsive disorder, major affective disorder diagnosis. I can understand that they must basis their treatment of these illnesses. They have to start from somewhere to make things easier for the pastient but, I have found that someone has given you the label of a particular illness, it doesn't go away. Even if proven later to be false.

For me it ended up that I was getting drugs for the various problems, those drugs would cause more difficulties, then there would be the need for more. It ended uj that I spent a lot of money on meds that just sit in the closet now.

My depression has greatly diminished my quanlity of life.
And that of my children, young at the time.

I ended up with putting on a lot of weight. When I first became ill they weighed me every week, because they were araid that I was losing too much weight. Once i went on psyc meds my wieither ballooned so hight, that I was named to be morbidly obese.


All the strees gave me ulcers and acid relufx. The ulcers were ok but the acid reflux haunts me even now. The gas was so bad coming up from my belly, almost unbearable if I was going through a hight stress time.

I also have irritable bowel disease.Causes some embarrassing moments.

High blood pressure.

I am also a diabetic.

It was not the intension of listing all my ailments. I did it just so people realizes that it has destroyed my body over the years,. I look much older than I am. Also I took one drug that removed a lot of the hair from my head. If it wasn't so thin, I would give it a brushcut. Like short hair.

[aim]

(((((Monty))))) Funny remark about the scientist thing - good one!

All of those illnesses have to take a toll on your feelings, and I'm soooo sorry you suffer from them. It does seem like, however, that you are dealing with all of them, and keeping them all under control. Monty... do you have any idea what a remarkable human being you really are?

God sent you to this forum to shine your wisdom on so many others... please know that. You are one hell of a lady. Now that you've shared more of your personal struggles? My respect for you has only grown... and that was not easy as it was so high to begin with.

[Monty]

Thanks for your kind words Amy.

They mean a lot to me ordinarily, but this past week and a half have probably been a couple of the most difficult I have had to deal with. So by coming back and finding you a message that affirms my position as a decent person in the universe, helps a lot.

My mania got me into a postion where I felt that my integrity within and organization that is important to me, was compromised. That was one that kept me going through a lot of the bad times, dealing with my mom lately. And I must admit my life seemed to be in great turmoil until we had worked out some resolution.

Since I was in a period of so most hurt in my life. I should have known that I would get support in this place. Maybe it would have made things easier.

The problem that I am dealing with this week, is one that is easier for others to see. I posted the situation on another topic, so there is no need to go into that one now.

Must say "Ouch" though.

[aim]

Monty... please don't ever question your integrity. You are obviously a stand-up person who cares a great deal for those around you, ok? You will always have your morals and integrity. NO MATTER WHAT!! If the way you are on these forums is any indication of the person you are on the outside, you have enough integrity to last you through anything and everything. Hang in there, Monty. It will get better.

[Monty]

Thanks for your reply Amy. I am on permanent disability for a variety of reasons. I read my pdocs report on why I should get this designation. One reason was self-loathing so reading something about me, that is positive from someone, really gives me a lift.

It turns out that my physical difficulties are seeming to resolve themselves. I go to the specialist tomorrow afternoon and I will see if I need to have surgery. It would be immediate if she indicates it is needed. I feel a lot better than I did on the weekend so I think that she will give me a clean bill of health tomorrow.

The other thing that was causing me a lot of trouble a week and a half ago seems to be also resolving itself. I really did think that I was up the creek without a paddle in dealing with that one. I would have meant cutting people that are really important in my support system.

Things with my mom are a lot for me to deal with now. I live full-time with my mother, she is 81, and failing. I took her out this afternoon to do some shopping, and she just seemed to run out of steam, all of a sudden while we were walking in the mall. It really scared me.

Hope that all is going well with everyone. I have found that you are all such a support that I enjoy going on-line and seeing just what is happening with everybody in the forum.

[aim]

I can certainly understand self-loathing, but I wish you could see the kind of person you really are. There is no reason to hate yourself; you seem to do so much for others... including caring for an aging mother.

So glad your issues are resolving themselves!! They seem to do that, don't they? Just when we think that all hope is lost, life has a way of helping us work things out, and even a way of surprising for the better!

I learned the hard way, that even when you think that the worst possible thing has happened, it ends up working out for the best in the end. When someone leaves you? You realize how wrong they were for you to begin with. When you miss the light, or hit some traffic? You find out about an accident that could have involved you if you had caught that light or made it to work on time. Life has a way of helping you out through irony, sometimes.

I can't imagine how scary it must be to see your mother's health failing, Monty. I can't even imagine the day when that happens to my mom. Stay strong, my friend. All will work out exactly as it's supposed to.