Depression Understood Forums

again and again i run into the same problem. i don't know how to keep track ov basic human upkeep, and it puts undue strain on my girlfriend because she has to constantly remind me about these things and, as she puts it, she's always driving the bus.
tonight i didn't do anything with my hair except put it up. well, it was frizzy, which led to a discussion about how she's gotten me good hair products and gotten me to a good salon against my will, and i still don't do basic daily maintenance on my hair (this may seem like a vanity thing, but my hair is very dry and brittle if i don't keep up with it). this was after she found out that i haven't looked at the syllabi for either ov my current classes. and we're also dealing with the fact that we've been awake for almost three hours now and haven't figured out what we're goïng to eat.
she's always the one who points out failings like this, so it would be easy to lay it on her and say that she has unrealistic expectations--but i don't think she does, i just can't get the hang ov all the little things that most people do automatically. i don't shower enough, i sometimes forget to brush my teeth, if left to my own devices i'll be up for hours without eating, and when i do eat it'll be junk food. i feel overwhelmed by basic human upkeep, and it's taking an enormous toll on her, and i don't know how to fix it. i've gotten into habits and routines, and i leave notes reminding myself ov things, and it's not really enough. it's just too hard to do all these things.

Wow, that is very fascinating.

Yeah, my hair sucked, too, and it wouldn't cooperate... so off it came. Now I don't stress about it

I have a friend who is actually very similar to yourself in terms of his own upkeep. He won’t shower unless you remind him to. He always has dirt under his nails. His hygiene is revolting. He wears the same clothes for way too long, to the point where they would make a billy goat puke. And he doesn’t eat unless you remind him or prepare meals for him.

I’m not sure what causes it or why he does it, but it is bizarre and fascinating at the same time.

My friend is a routine-based person. So once you set the standard for him and get him into a good routine, he will follow it, but only to a certain extent. I cleaned his room for him, and I do believe he has maintained it himself. He also wears the clothes I bought for him. But unless I’m there with him all the time, he struggles to maintain his own human upkeep. So routine has only a limited effect on him, too.

I have tried to instill how important it is for him to look after himself. I think if it becomes important to him, then he will take the initiative to do it himself, without me having to remind him or cut his nails and scrub them or brush his hair or give him one of my clean shirts to wear, etc.

Perhaps it will help if you make your own upkeep a priority and important to you. For example, showers make you feel good. Being clean is good—nobody wants to be around someone who stinks. I have to get my friend to take his shirt off and I wipe him down with a cloth because I can’t stand being around him let alone going out in public with him smelling like ass all day. Brushing your teeth is good because it’ll stop them from rotting and your breath stinking. Just think of the pros and benefits of why you want to maintain your own upkeep. Your girlfriend might even find you more desirable and attractive. I don’t know. The point is, just find reasons to make it important enough to do it.

It is understandable why it is taking a toll on your girlfriend. She must love you and be patient for sticking around.

Let us know how it all goes.