Depression Understood Forums

Hi everyone,

A little bit of background about me, I'm a 31-year-old male living in Western Europe. I was first diagnosed with panic disorder/depression or something mimicking it 10 years ago. Possible causes for my condition incl. withdrawal from addiction, infection and uncertainties over sexual orientation. Basically I had several nosebleeds in class back then due to overwhelming stress, which I know was a sign from my body that it could no longer cope with the different stressors in my life at that point (had I only known I probably could have prevented the breakdown). I had a severe ----- addiction for the better part of a decade, I decided to stop this habit there and then thinking it would improve my life, two weeks later I started having the nosebleeds which turned into heart palpitations, panic attacks and extreme levels of anxiety. Obviously that has made me think I'm in withdrawal from severe ----- abuse. I had a chronically infected tooth from a root canal treatment which I didn't know was so severely infected until about 2 years ago, which I'm most certain of contributed to my disorder since I have also had kidney stones that began plaguing me around the same time the massive anxiety started.

Needless to say I had the tooth, a molar, pulled. It came out all black on the inside. I'm pretty sure I contracted some sort of nervous infection because of that since there are a lot of doctors saying these infections are very toxic. Also pretty certain that there's a direct link with the kidney stones. I've had weird digestive symptoms ever since as well, particularly fructose malabsorption. Had diarrhea for ages.
I don't know if what I have is a systemic condition or some sort of withdrawal or a 'standard' anxiety disorder for lack of a better word but I'm pretty sure it's a combination of different stressors that led to a nervous breakdown. I've seen quite a few doctors and while they've always thought 'something' about my symptoms is strange, they've always sent me to other doctors and so on and no one really knows, you get the idea... So they simply prescribe antidepressants. But I can't blame them. I had to drop out of college in my senior year, lost my girlfriend but it was a pretty toxic relationship anyway.

So... I haven't always been taking the antidepresant meds my doctors have prescribed. On one hand I have a couple of family members who have stigmatized these medications, leading to discontinuation on my part, plus there's a lot of disinformation and shaming on the internet, on the other hand I've thought that it would get better without the meds at some point. The truth is, I have felt better on them and I should probably go back on them since it's probably the only thing that can cure me in the long run and somehow clean up my nerves and get the serotonergic systems functioning again. I felt like I was living on a different planet before I ever took meds, that's how bad my anxiety was. Have I been stupid for not taking them? It seems so. I don't know what I've been thinking mistrusting doctors.

I just isolate without the meds, I can't get out without suffering overwhelming anxiety. I also developed agoraphobia and social phobia back then. All pretty acutely, in a matter of days. On them the agoraphobia lifts quite significantly. That especially makes me think I really do need them. I've got to a point where I kind of want to accept my fate. There's just no point trying to deny it anyway, whatever it is. It's the only way out of it I think. To just accept and grow out of it with a combination of different therapies. I probably need the meds so I can go out and get more medical attention or therapy, but I'm still kind of wondering if that's what I should do. I mean if it is an infection I'd probably need a combination of meds which I will certainly ask my GP about, but I simply cannot get extensive examination without the help of antidepressants. Should they still be effective, that is.

I'd just like to find out the real cause, you know? So that I can start doing something about it. I want to take antidepressants for however long it may take if that is what I need, even if it was just to help clean up my nervous system to help it get rid of the infection.

Obviously I'm going to talk to my GP and psychiatrist about all of this but I'd like to hear from others. Kind of wondering what made me come here but I guess I'm just looking for confirmation and some reassurance concerning the use of the SSRIs. Also, I'm kind of hesitant because of possible weight gain. I'm finally on a good diet again and don't want that to change. I'm sure it's not the meds themselves that cause weight gain but they can lead to overeating. And I need to lose some weight already. Reading my story, if you were me, what would you do? I guess it couldn't hurt restarting the SSRI therapy but I'm still somewhat hesitant. I want to get a real answer and cure above all. Thanks if you've made it this far. Sorry for all of the complaining and whining. But I could use the advice...

Thanks!
Best regards

Hi Wired,

Good job for thinking on your situation. Many people will just take medications without a second thought, putting complete trust into a doctor in hope that he knows what he is doing. In my opinion this is a mistake! Nobody is going to care about your health more than you, so you need to be an informed consumer.

Doctors are indeed well trained and educated, but they don’t always know what is best when it comes to health.They are trained to manage symptoms and prescribe drugs, but not to investigate the underlying cause of our health issues nor optimize our health. After all, they work in the sickness industry, nothing about keeping us healthy to prevent illness or minimize it. Doctors and pharmaceutical companies can’t make money off healthy people.

Usually how it works, we take the drug, feel good because the symptoms are suppressed by the drug and then we think we are cured. But whatever caused the illness in the first place still remains.

So one needs to be a thinker and to ask questions, research into their own health, and be proactive in their own treatment, along side with competent health professionals to facilitate the process. Clearly, you have been doing this by putting thought into this matter, which is fantastic.

Nobody can say what they would do if they were you unless they were going through your experiences. But like I said, just be informed and explore your options outside the narrow scope of conventional drug therapy.

There is no shame in taking synthetic antidepressants. However, depression is not a Prozac deficiency. In addition, I believe there are far more effective treatments that have none to minimal side effects, such as nutrition, exercise, herbs, supplements, etc.

What are the side effects of exercise? You will be fitter, healthier, slimmer, sleep better, and have elevated mood. What are the side effects of good nutrition? You will be healthier and your body will have all the raw materials it needs to keep your mind and body functioning. What are the side effects of adequate sleep? You get the point!

I prefer the holistic approach to health, that is by taking into consideration all the factors that affect our health and well-being, such as mental, emotional, physical, spiritual.

If you are sincere about dealing with the underlying causes of your health, then you will need a health professional trained in this aspect. A naturopath is trained to always investigate and deal with the root cause of illness as well as to customize treatment to suit your health needs, as no two people are exactly alike. Naturopaths are also highly skilled and trained to deal with our health from a holistic perspective!

The naturopath will also facilitate or augment the body’s natural healing processes to bring about change rather than merely suppressing symptoms.

This is not to say an allopathic doctor is not needed; a naturopath will let you know if that is the case. Both naturopathic and allopathic practitioners can work together to bring about the best treatment plan for the client. Just keep your options open.

If you are finding that the antidepressants are helping you, then it may be a good idea to take them, at least in the interim until you can establish a suitable treatment plan for your health needs. However, whether or not you take the synthetic antidepressants, just be sure to take care of your health as I suggested earlier (diet, exercise, etc). These things are needed for a healthy mind and body irrespective of drug therapy.

As for a psychiatrist... this is fine, but I would be inclined to seek help from a therapist or a psychologist. A psychiatrist operates under the same philosophy as an allopathic doctor. A psychologist and therapist, on the other hand, are more holistic in their approach, as they are not drug therapy centered. It is of course entirely up to you and what you feel is best for your own health needs.

All the best with your health. You have been through quite a bit where you health is concerned. Being unwell is the pits, and it is hard to enjoy life when our health is jeopardized, isn't it?

And don’t for a minute think you are complaining. It’s great that you felt you could share your health concerns with us. It is good to discuss it, grab suggestions, and get things off your chest.

Thanks so much for your thorough reply!

I couldn't agree more with what you are saying, I totally understand the importance of diet, exercise, sunlight, meditation, and so on. This all has helped but if I need to be honest, only the antidepressants seem to do the 'real' trick in that they have been the only thing that can actually make me feel lighter and confident enough to get out of the house. I have to admit I have slipped back into an anxious mess coming off of them. So they must be doing 'something' for me. I really like your idea of using them as some sort of buffer towards real solutions as far as root causes are concerned. This is also what I would use them for and what I think they are, an interim solution, a sort of nerve crutch until the real causes are found and a real cast can come on, to hopefully mend these broken nerves of mine for good.

My GP has suggested taking them indefinitely but honestly, that is a scary thought. I'd have no problem taking them for several years, a decade if need be, if that's what helps to heal, but I do not want to be taking these medications for life. I can totally think of them as a crutch the way a broken bone needs support until it's healed, but I dislike the comparing to diabetes and other life-long conditions the way my doctors have theorized. I very much believe in nerve plasticity and have come to think of these meds as a way of speeding up these healing processes. As you say it's not a prozac deficiency, however, I'm also quite certain I messed up my serotonergic systems big time because of the addiction. I will literally hear my ears cracking and popping when I either take the meds or when I take tryptophan (an amino acid involved in serotonin production). So perhaps they are what I need to somehow help these systems recalibrate?

But like you say, they mask something. I'm completely aware of this. At the same time though I do think they cure to some extent, meaning they have probably been valuable in helping my body deal with the underlying infection. It's kind of reassuring to know they also prescribe these medications to people with similar inflammatory conditions; gastro-intestinal issues, urinary tract infections and so on or to help with pain management. So I'd feel better taking them knowing they aren't exclusively reserved for the 'mentally unfit' and that they are taken for other medicinal purposes as well. I sincerely believe depression and anxiety have massive ties to inflammation and immunologic reactions to that so I can really sympathize with your suggestions concerning the holistic approach.

Some days I feel better than others and there has to be something I can't have. I have personally noticed severe vitamin deficiencies looking at my bloodwork when I was in the hospital, particularly in vitamins B-12 and vitamin D, as wel as other issues like hyperkalemia and hypercalcemia, but only one doctor has ever advised me to start supplementing with vitamin D. They do not care about certain tresholds looking at files as long as it's not completely worrisome. The nefrologist I saw though was seemingly worried the hypercalcemia was causing my kidney stones so she sent me to an endocrinologist thinking my thyroid was malfunctioning, but both of the endocrinologists I saw were baffled and couldn't quite explain the kidney stones. I even saw a very renowned professor in endocrinology at a university hospital, again suggesting something was 'off' but he and his team couldn't put their finger on what it was exactly.

The last kidney stone I had followed the extraction of the infected tooth in 2017. Obviously this is massive, and even my psychiatrist has suggested getting another thorough examination. She wants to send me places but try doing that suffering from really bad social phobias and agoraphobia. Last time I was in the hospital in this condition, without any meds, to be honest was massively uncomfortable to the point of being traumatizing. So perhaps that's where the SSRIs could come in, to help me through the worst. For all I know the acidity related to these medications have been responsible for the kidney stones, but I am very sure that I have indeed had an active infection that could be to blame for at least some of my struggles.

I was absolutely blown away the day I saw a documentary on Netflix called Root Cause, about a guy who also had a tooth break, who also had a root canal treatment done, and who also started suffering from massive anxiety and panic attacks shortly after... What are the odds, right? It was as if I was listening to my own story. The documentary has been so controversial and has been so severely attacked by dentists, Netflix had it removed. No root canal treatments means less, far less money to be made for dentists. It is absolutely ridiculous and as you say there is no money to be made off of healthy people. That doesn't mean though they should continue doing massively dubious treatments for their own profit. You just can't expect a dead tooth to not pose a risk to the body's natural defences which I now know can most definitely become compromised under severe stress, at that point a hard to catch but very toxic condition can be what follows.

Anyway, I totally get everything that you are saying and want to thank you once more for the advice. Considering everything, the middle ground for me apparently would be to pursue two different approaches, being the conventional one where I'd take SSRIs for some time, the more holistic one and things like CBT on the other hand. I do not want to minimalize the importance of conventional medicin as I really think it will be what's needed to get me through it enough for me to start seeing a therapist or naturopathic doctor. So perhaps this is the time for me to stop mistrusting my doctors. I know they are incredibly smart people and have come to understand they as well as science are there for a God-given reason. There is some scary information to be found on the internet concerning the use of these medications but I think it's safe to say most of it has been written by people who have not experienced clinical depression or people who could possibly benefit from patients pursuing different approaches. My GP has called these people 'false popes' spreading disinformation. Deep down I feel the need to agree with him as these medications really do have a purpose in severe cases, apparently they can even slow down Alzheimer's disease so it would be quite ignorant to completely demonize them. I'm glad that you are keeping that conventional route open for me and haven't completely advised against SSRIs the way others would have. I know from experience they can make a huge difference. So I will most likely restart treatment next week and will wait for complete remission this time, which I know will require a combination of the different approaches we've discussed. Every source I've looked at is saying the same thing, meds and therapy seem to be the best combination and what ultimately gets people into real remission.

I really do look forward to being able to get out of the house more, to just be able to get my own stuff done and if medications are what is needed to get that done, perhaps only a fool would refuse the (initial) treatment. Life's just no life being a prisoner of your own mind if there are things that can help. I've been suffering for far too long. Who knows where I would have been by now if I had only completely trusted my doctors. Far better to pop a pill if that means you can start paving the way to real freedom.

This has been great insight for me and I would like to wholeheartedly thank you again for your valued opinion!

All the best