Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

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Lundi_Hákarlsson
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:27 pm

Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby Lundi_Hákarlsson » Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:32 pm

Hi everyone.

I am a 29 year old male from San Francisco, California, USA who has never been able to have a girlfriend and am still a virgin despite not wanting to be. I turn 30 in October. Since today is the first day of September, I am naturally quite concerned that I will be turning 30 next month being in this state.

I have always been a shy, introverted, anxious and awkward person. Perhaps I spent too much time studying, focussing my entire life up until my mid-20s on studying. I studied two degrees in university, mathematics and pre-med molecular biology, thus having twice the courseload of a regular student. I neglected my entire social life, and had no dating life to speak of. I spent basically the whole day trying to stay afloat with my studies. My only other serious hobbies were and are introverted activities, such as competitive chess and foreign languages.

When I was around 25 I felt very lonely and sad that I still had never had a girlfriend and was still a virgin. I felt pain knowing that to be a virgin this old as a male is very taboo and looked down upon. I joined meetup groups, met some interesting people, and went on a few dates, but it seemed that women just did not like me.

So here I am at age 29 and 11 months old, still without a girlfriend and still a virgin. I feel very depressed and enormous shame for how I am. I feel depressed as well for feeling missing out on love and sex like most males my age.

But what really pains me is seeing and hearing comments from women that someone in my situation must be very weird to have always been single and a virgin. Especially since I am not religious, so I am not practising abstinence at all. I just simply ended up this way.

I would like if any female members here have any opinion of this. I have lived most of my life in USA and went to uni in Britain. But my general impression was that both American and British women would find me totally undateable and unattractive due to being single and a virgin at almost 30. I hope my fears are not true though.

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.

derkderk
Posts: 26
Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 7:50 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby derkderk » Tue Sep 03, 2019 12:32 am

I'm a male early 30s and also a virgin. Also like you, shy introverted starting in grade school. Though I did have some romantic opportunities during my school days, I was always too scared to go all the way. For me at least, I've found it to be kind of fortunate. I haven't developed any super nagging sex drives making me seek romantic relationships which would often result in sever emotional pain.

I know that is just my perspective, but I'd just want to let you know that there are some benefits to being a virgin.

Lundi_Hákarlsson
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:27 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby Lundi_Hákarlsson » Tue Sep 03, 2019 2:30 am

The only big advantages that come to me are that I did not get any women pregnant by mistake, and I did not contract any STI especially AIDS. But it still seems small consolation. Telling a woman, "Yes I am a virgin at 30, but hey, at least I do not have AIDS" is not very convincing.

I am not sure about your status, but my mother was diagnosed with mild autism spectrum/Asperger's disorder a few months ago at almost age 60. I suspect I have inherited something from her, because she acts very shy and introverted like me and was a virgin until 27. But women do not seem to berate and insult female virgins as men do to male virgins. Although women also join the men and insult male virgins as well.

At least that is my experience in USA. I have not lived long enough in the UK to know for sure if many women look down on older male virgins as they do here.

croman1999
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:05 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby croman1999 » Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:52 pm

Hey man first of all happy birthday , secondy even dought I'm not in a position you are in right now because I had a girlfriend once,but I relate to the things that you said about how you see yourself as not atractive and being shy around people ,especially ones that I wanna be with .I am still verry young but it took me years to actually tell someone how i fill and it didn't turn out too geat , in fact it was all a very confusing and mostly unpleasant experiance because of her BPD and cheating .What I'm trying to say is that things like sex and relationships are not that great and valuable in life and it can make you feel worse if it doesn't turn out great like how I felt after it even thought i tought i needed to have it.I think that people make such a bit deal if their whit someone or uf they had sex like its some great life acchivement . Things that you did with your life like learnig languages or studying are much more valuable (congratulations on studying two degrees , you sound very smart) don't concern yourself whit something so unimportant in life because i don't thing that haveing a girlfrend or haveing sex is that important infect I think that it doesn't matter at all and all the people that look down on people that never had it should reevaluate what is inportant in life because that isn't and I don't think that because I had a kinda bed experiece I think that because it is nothing special .I wish you happiness and i hope you see that your value as a person and that you find joy in your life as it is

Zippo
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2019 10:08 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby Zippo » Tue Sep 03, 2019 5:34 pm

I lost my virginity at 29. Yes, it's horrible.

You sound a lot like me . I have a master's plus 37 in philosophy. My life didn't change until I met this guy:

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com

I hope it's not against forum policy to recommend books, but you might like to check out Dr. Glover's book. Also, he just released a new book on dating. Trust me, it works!

There is no shortcut here. You'll have to get out of your comfort zone and start socializing with women. Glover will teach you how.

Lundi_Hákarlsson
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:27 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby Lundi_Hákarlsson » Tue Sep 03, 2019 6:22 pm

I am 29 and 11 months old. Every day seems like one day closer to 30. It makes me sick to think about it, and I mean physically sick. If I really chastise myself for being in this situation, I feel like vomiting from how disgusting I feel about myself.

It feels like a burden carried upon my shoulders, an intangible yet heavy cross to bear.

Laura93
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2019 4:10 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby Laura93 » Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:06 pm

Hello, I'm 26 and female. I can't speak for every woman, but I think being a virgin is not a big deal. I mean, it's not something you can't work on, someday you will not be a virgin anymore.
If I can give you an advice, stop focusing on that problem, because probably your next girlfriend will be a virgin too or she will not care about that.
I don't care at all, I think there are a lot of thing more important in a relashionship. I guess it depends on the kind of girls you like, in my point of view only shallow girls will care about this.
Don't let this "problem" be too big, don't count the days, because one day you will lose your verginity and it's gonna be good!!!
I hope I helped you.

Spleefy
Posts: 200
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby Spleefy » Thu Sep 12, 2019 5:39 am

Hi Lundi,

There is no shame being a virgin. It is better if you give it to someone you love and are married to. Try not to adopt other people’s standards of sex, as most people have low standards when it comes to sexual relations.

You need to live your life, not theirs. Dump the peer pressure, and be proud that you have come this far in your life without doing what most people do.

You will meet a special woman when the time is right. And when that time happens and you fall in love, you will be glad that you kept that part of you for that special person. She'll feel all the more special that she got to be your first!

Perhaps rethink your statement that women won’t find you attractive because “you are still single and a virgin at almost 30.” If a woman doesn’t want to date you because you are a virgin, then is that the type of woman you really want in your life? There is no shame for being a virgin. Reason it out some more. Think it through.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

athena.vhd
Posts: 44
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

Postby athena.vhd » Thu Sep 12, 2019 11:08 am

i belive same as spleefy.
among all ppl made wrong decisions u can make a right one and be proud of it not actually shy!
i hope u will find THE ONE :D


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