dump

[kaitkay]

i deadass have one friend (online) and she doesnt know shes the only one.

so im not happy with how things are turning out in life this past year and a bit and am struggling and she has a hard time helping someone when theyre down. and although i know this i still take that information (including anything else that makes me down) and twist reality. she knows ive had problems and thinks i still have friends but i dont. i wont tell her. one because i believe when im a moody b*tch that she doesnt care anyway and two i hate attention. like "hey look at me my lifes sh*tty give me attention xox". idk. but another reason i wont say is because, as shes my only friend and i feel down often, she may feel guilty or something for not being able to help as i have no one else really to turn to and it sucks knowing that. i have also stopped talking about my problems to her and ranting as i feel annoying or like she doesnt care even though ik she wouldve left by now if that were the case.

idk but when im fine and can think clearly ik for a fact what i think is bs but it doesnt make anything better and i just dont know what to do tbh. its hard keeping things in but its hard spilling them out to someone you trust.

[Sadinatura]

I'm sorry to hear your frustration... I know it's hard not to count friends but i assure you it's been better if you don't. If you pursue trying to make friends, even if they're online, it can really help, even go on these chats. But just for you to know and decide whether or not you want to push me away, but i would love to be your friend.

[Lesliehughes]

Do some meditation.