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I cant talk to anyone i know about this.... (Infertility Depression)

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:17 pm
by Ethraheart
My depressed state about my infertility issues is always around and i can normally just suck it up and go one day at a time but it becomes especially hard when someone close to be is pregnant. I have always gotten through it okay but this time is different because there is literally no one i can go to, to cry / vent frustration without being a total buzz kill for the situation. A very close friend of mine and my brother recently started dating and ended up pregnant by accident. Wile it was accidental both parties are over the moon excited and our whole family is both shocked and elated by the news. I am happy for them i really am im just upset with myself. Im mad that im sinking back into this depression no matter how much i try and beat it off. im finding myself lost in thought crying without even realizing it. I cant go to my husband with my concerns because he has active anxiety and depression too and i know if he sees me this upset he will downward spiral. I cant talk to ANY of my friends as they are all friends with the mother to be and im afraid of this making its way back to her and since my brother is the father i cant even talk to my parents about my feelings without spoiling this for them. I feel so alone right now. no one i know has the same infertility issues and i dont think anyone really understands how painful this is. i feel like i have to hide from everyone i love and pretend to be elated about the news too or i will just ruin everything. i dont know what to do

Re: I cant talk to anyone i know about this.... (Infertility Depression)

Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:38 am
by jennypa
Hi Ethraheart,

I know that you must feel so devastated because of your circumstances, but I can tell you now, that you are not alone. Two of my friends and both my aunts have these similar problems (of infertility) and they so want to have children. But they do not let these things catch them off guard. Most of them know of that everything happens for a reason. For what purpose it may be, you will see it in your near future and you will realize why things happen the way they do. I believe that there are no coincidence and things do happen for a reason. One of my aunts adopted a child and they couldn't be anymore happy for taking care of a child where a parent was not able to take care of. You are, as well as everyone else is special. Don't ever forget that.

I wish you best,


Re: I cant talk to anyone i know about this.... (Infertility Depression)

Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 12:02 pm
by KaleidoscopePic
Precious friend,
I can tell you are hurting deeply. You are not alone. My parents tried for 17 years before they finally were able to conceive. They went on to have four children. What helped them was that they took in a troubled teenager. When they had a child to take care of, they relaxed about needing to have a baby so badly, and then they conceived (and went on to have four of their own children). Theirs is not that uncommon of a story. We had a couple in our church who were experiencing infertility, and they adopted. After they adopted, they relaxed about needing to get pregnant, and they went on to have two more children of their own. A cousin of mine and his wife were experiencing infertility as well, and they started the adoption process; then because the pressure was off, they relaxed and were able to get pregnant with their own biological child. Another cousin of mine and her husband tried for years to get pregnant; then they started participating in an exchange student program, where a student from another country comes and lived with them through the year and went to school. At the end of the year, when the student went back, another student would come and live with them for the next year. Having a child in the home relaxed them about the need to have a child of their own, and they conceived after 12 years and now have two biological children of their own.

I am wondering if you might consider hosting an international student in your home the way my cousin did. Also, what are your thoughts on adoption? My best friend was adopted from Korea when she was five months old. Another option you might explore is providing foster care. When another cousin and his wife couldn't have biological children they took in foster children. They raised three girls whose biological parents could not take care of them. They never actually adopted the girls, but the girls lived with them into adulthood. There are many ways you can become a parent if you cannot biologically have children of your own. Yes, ideally you would like to have a baby of your own, but if that does not work out, have you considered these other alternatives? Who knows? It may be that the reason you haven't conceived yet is because you are being prepared to foster children from broken homes who need a stable parent in their lives.

I was in a bit different situation than you. My husband did not want children, and I wanted them very much, so I took jobs as a nanny and in a daycare center to get my "kid fix." That may not be the route you want to take, but I hope that you will take some of these ideas into consideration, because there are ways to become parents even if you cannot become biological parents. Adoption may be too expensive as an option, but please consider foster care, because the children in foster care desperately need stable homes.

I am sorry you are in so much pain over this situation, but know that you are not alone. Also, know there are alternatives if you cannot biologically conceive. You might consider exploring some of them.

Re: I cant talk to anyone i know about this.... (Infertility Depression)

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2018 11:05 am
by j2415
Hi Ethraheart,
I'm sorry that you are hurting. Please know that we are here for you and you are not alone.

I understand your frustration because I have been in your situation. Years back, I went through infertility work up, every time there was a pregnancy announcement it made me so disappointed because it reminded me of something I don't have. Every cycle, I was expecting to have a positive result but always turned out negative. After 2 years of procedure, thankfully I became pregnant. During pregnancy, I had premature labor twice. I was scared that I would lose my baby. Now my son is 17 years old.

Infertility is not an easy journey, there will be roller coaster of emotions but I hope you will not give up. I've been there and I know the pains and disappointments and honestly I almost give up. I pray that you will have your heart's desires to have a baby and you will have peace as you wait. We are here and we care for you. Keep us posted.