Depression Understood Forums

Hello everyone. So, let me recap where I'm at, for those of you who don't know my story. I got out of an 8 year relationship earlier this year, and I've been miserable. it was abusive both mentally and physically. And from what I can tell, although people are sympathetic to my pain somewhat, they are all relieved and quite frankly, overjoyed, that my relationship is over. My dad, who has never been one for many words, bad mouths her. My brother, who I never got along with due to my sexuality, is majorly badmouthing her. and my sister who has never voiced her opinion before about her, actually told me she is relieved that she is gone.

I know I should be happy, but I'm not. Put it this way, I was already a flame, this just added a box of matches, gallon of gas and some logs to it. now, I've gotten some great advice and help from this already, but I'm stuck. I know a quick fix is daffy to expect, but I would settle with a way to handle day to day living.

I've been lucky because I work nights so when I get off work, I drive home, clean up and "hopefully" my zzquil will work to put me to sleep before I realize I'm still alone. But, 9x out of 10 it doesn't work. I still lay there, knowing that she's building a new life and using our dreams to make this new....play thing happy. she didn't waste her time either. not two weeks after we broke up they were "in love" and couldn't wait to marry and they are soul mates blah blah blah. my mom says I dodged a bullet because clearly she didn't love me like I did and if we had gotten married like we talked about, I would be settling a divorce instead of living a happy life.

but then, the ex has to call me. ask me for help. use my feelings against me. she knows how I feel about her. she knows I've been madly in love with her since the moment I set eyes on her. so she uses that, tells me what I want to hear, then throws in "hey I need money" and I just open my wallet like the doors to the department store on black Friday. today, she told me, she misses me "from time to time" but is still so hurt by what I did and doesn't know if we'll ever be together again. and yet, for the past month she's been saying she really meant it when she said she wanted to try again. and of course, like an idiot, I fell for it.

I don't know what to do. I'm the type of person who will help when help is needed, and I know I should cut her off, but I don't know how. I don't know how to deal with the separation. I don't know how to deal with the hurt. I'm so close to just self-harming again its unreal. and no one I talk to has any idea how bad it really is for me.

well, sorry its long. you all have a good night or day depending on when you read this.

I don't been to be so blunt, but if this woman is asking you for money, it seems like she is using you.
I know 8 years is a long time to invest in a relationship. Maybe she is still attached emotionally and wants to remain friends.
Breakups are so crushing, you must be feeling a horrible amount of pain inside, and you probably feel confused, too. If I say "stay strong" I know it's easier said than done.
As we have communicated before, you know that I am also dealing with romantic rejection, though this was the first time I allowed myself to have feelings for someone for nearly 10 years. Maybe this man has a fear of intimacy or some other personal issues he had not confided to me. I sent him a text message this week, trying to make amends, but have heard nothing back. I may never hear from him or see him again. I have to accept that. He wholly rejected me! It hurts like hell.
I have learned a lot through this experience. I want to have a better, fulfilling life should my health problems not prevent me from that. I want to love someone again, and feel I deserve it.
As I said before, there is no magic formula to getting over a broken heart quickly, or easily. There are people out there who tell you to find Jesus but it truly is not that simple. I really wish I could turn off the pain like flipping off a switch. My best and only friend told me that this takes time. It took me years to get over the last one. I went through years of hating myself and feeling undeserving of love. A lot has changed in me since then.
I know it hurts when the person you love quickly finds someone else in their life and leaves you standing alone and miserable. You feel the emptiness more this way. Trying to distract yourself does not always work. But do try to stay busy. I have found that exercise helps. And if you have a favorite park or nature preserve - someplace that is peaceful and scenic, by all means, strap on those hiking boots and get some fresh air and sunshine. It's not exactly a cure-all, but my days at the nature trail and beach have helped me to persevere.
I hope this helps!