Depression Understood Forums

I finally took the first step and sought help. I'd like to say I felt like that was some kind of achievement, but it was more like a last-ditch before I did something horrible. Taking Cymbalta now, and I don't know if it's really making a difference or not. I'm not sure if I'm coping better, or if I just don't care anymore. to-may-to to-mah-to, I guess......On a side note, I recently reconnected with the woman that is the love of my life, my soul mate if you believe in that sort of thing. It's been nearly ten years and not a single day has passed that I haven't thought of her. Then the devastating revelation...she's moved on. Of course she did. I don't know what I was expecting. We're working on being friends, but I DO NOT know how to let go. I expect that the day I stop loving her will be the day they put me in the box. Someone can play "He Stopped Loving Her Today" at my funeral..........

Ks81072,

Thanks for the update.

I hope that soon you will be able to read your post with the same objectivity you expressed about re-connecting.

Achievement vs. Last Ditch Effort are just the color of lipstick you put on the pig ... The important thing is TO DO, To Be.

I think it might be an interesting thing to talk about what "getting over someone" really means. Old relationships are based on memories, but there is a lot that I remember doing that at 59 I can no longer do. Not doing those things means that I weigh my capabilities and reflexes against reality ... I would love to do those things if I could, but the physics of physiology can be a pain.

Let us know more about how you are doing.

Fair to middling, I guess is the most accurate description of my current state. It's been at least a week since I broke down sobbing for no reason or thought about suicide, so progress is being made. I know there's going to be ups and downs, and I'm doing what I can to be prepared for them. As far as the "letting go" I have to say there's been no progress on that front. As I said, I'm confident at this point that I will love this woman to my last breath, but it's not meant to be. Just something I have to learn to live with.

Hi KS81072,

My in-laws are having medical problems, so I've been over there a lot and they don't have internet. How I wish they had internet ....

Anyway, I like your statement:

As I said, I'm confident at this point that I will love this woman to my last breath, but it's not meant to be. Just something I have to learn to live with.

That's how I feel about a lot of the things that bother me. It is annoying for someone to tell you that it doesn't matter or to get over it ... your feelings are different than your thoughts, and frankly I think it is obvious to all of us here that fighting depression is all about learning to think around your feelings.

I don't feel comfortable talking about MY urges and Compulsions ... but it sounds like you are getting to the point that I'm at. Not exactly healthy, certainly not happy, but not a danger to myself or others. The step after that ... moving to happiness is the hard part, because it is a confluence of factors, only some of which we can control. Still, I have more hope than I did 6 months ago, and less than I did two years ago ... you know what I mean?

Hey KS81072,

I'm glad you were able to seek help and its great that things are starting to improve a bit. I'm interested in seeing how you're doing now though, post another update when you can!

*hugs*