Don't know what to do

[andee5]

I've never posted on something like this before but the past few days have been terrible and I don't know what to do. I'm about to leave the country to go away for a few weeks and don't have a therapist. I've been struggling with what I think is depression but sometimes I hate myself for thinking that and just think I'm being overdramatic. I have tried to open up to my mom but she is trying to give me tough love and tells me to snap out of it. She always asks me what is wrong but can't understand that I really don't know. I just can't feel happy and I don't want to do anything besides lay in my bed and stare at a wall. I feel like my existence is completely meaningless. I am able to fake happiness and energy with people who don't know what's going on but with my parents I can barely find the energy to raise my voice enough to answer their questions. And when I do that they haven't been asking me what is wrong which makes me even more insane. I've started to hate and resent the people who I know care about me. Everything my mom or my boyfriend says or does makes me cringe and I don't know why. This is just the start of what I've been feeling but I just needed to get something out there. I feel like I had barely breathe and just feel completely numb. Everytime one of my parents tries to speak to me I tear up and am unable to have a conversation without crying. I just really don't know what to do at this point. With the holiday coming up and with me going away right after I feel like I won't be able to see a therapist and don't even know how to begin looking for one really. Or if they can even help the constant anxiety I am under. Every time I speak to someone my brain asks over and over why did you say that? Why did you use that tone? Did they think that was weird? Why can't I be normal ?

[Helper25]

Hey this is your first post, and this is my first reply

I don't have depression, so I don't pretend to know what you're going through, but I'm helping my best friend through his issues with depression and anxiety so maybe I can be some help to you.

First of all, I don't think you need to give yourself a hard time for labelling it as depression. There's enough stigma attached to mental health without the people with the problems indulging it as well. It's a condition and you can be treated. You can get help.

I'm sorry you feel like a lot of people don't understand. From my experience, a lot of people don't quite 'get it'. They're not bad people, they just maybe haven't had any experience or education in mental health and don't know how to deal with it. It doesn't mean they don't care but it's hard to feel like no one quite gets what you're going through.

The silver lining is that a lot of people do. This forum is the tip of the iceberg. There are so so many resources out there. Not just forums for chatting and sharing, but helplines and advice from doctors online.

If it's possible, maybe make an appointment with your doctor for when you get home? During your time away, keep researching. There's lots of advice out there to help people like yourself cope.

When you do feel comfortable seeing someone, remember they're professionals. They aren't there to judge you. Your problem is a common one and I really believe the stigma isn't what it used to be. You can see someone and you can get help.

Stay strong. You're braver than you think.