Can't kick this depression

[jdc007]

Hi, My name is john. I am 53 years old, retired USAF, happily married for 1 year. Living the dream - Great wife, exercise regularly, ride motorcycles when we can. No financial worries.

I was diagnose Bipolar 2 about 20 years ago.
I take Effexor XR 300mg per day and Geodon at 40mg per day. Have been pretty stable for years no serious ups or downs.

November 22, I woke up a little sad. Felt better later in the day.
Next day I woke up moderately depressed. Tried riding, exercising and made it thru the next few days. Not able to sleep hardly at all.

Dec 1 was hell. Worse I felt in a decade. Didn't want to get out of bed, talk, eat or anything else. Went to the VA. My pdoc was out but saw a p NP.

Explained I was in terrible shape. Couldn't function at all. She said I was pretty much maxed on Effexor. She changed the geodon to 60mg. and added ambien.

That night I went home, lovely wife readied my meal and meds. Two hours later I was Hallunanating. See people in the room, talking crazy, etc. Not the way I want my young wife to see me.

Went back the next day. Saw the NP again. Not happy to see me, she said I probably needed a brisk walk on the beach. Said it would do wonders.
She than made me an apt for late January with my Pdoc. Took me off Geodon and back on Lithium.

First time I have been unhappy with the VA. Not sure what to do. Seek a private care doctor?

Symptoms: Severe Depression-Pits of Hell, Extreme anxiety, heart flutters, etc, sobbing with no reason This is going on 3 weeks now. I tend to feel better in the evenings but mornings and afternoons are unbearable

Please share your thoughts. The worst part is not how I feel but how helpless my wife feels. That part really hurts.

David

[NickStokes]

You need to stay strong John, if not for you, then for her!