Depression Understood Forums

For better or worse having been diagnosed with depression and feeling like a complete failure for not being able to cope I have stated to read numerous books trying to discover why I might feel like I do and trying to find a way forward!
I'm depressed about being depressed and, probably to avoid coping with my emotions, I deal with it in 2 ways: run - which I can't do at the moment due to injury and by working myself to the ground this according to the counsellor is a form of self harm. If however, my body gives out on me due to lack of sleep from Pushing myself too hard and I have to stop, this seems less of a failure than having to stop and deal with 'myself'
Does this make any sense to anyone?
I can't seem to break the cycle!
Over Tiredness is definitely a trigger for a downward spiral but my job is the one area of my life I feel I have control and am good at: vicious circle
I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster that I can't explain and I want to get off! Too many plates spinning in the air something has to give surely.

I'm also trying to figure out how to break this cycle. I'd like to think it'll stop when I start to do things differently.

Dont feel like a failure. Depression is completely normal and there is nothing you should feel shame about. Remember that there are people around you who are willing to help you out!