Just want to get back to normal
Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:14 pm
Is it too much to ask for? A normal feeling inside you. Iam not asking to make me very happy or anything. I dont remember how long I have been like this It started when i broke up with my boyfriend. I couldnt sleep at night. sad music and crying is all that helped. Well, I was just 16 back then. I moved on. Then came betrayal of friends. And then almost 2 years of no friends. Everyone needs friends right? Just someone to chill with and have fun.
things changed last year for me. I shifted to london for my future studies. Unfortunately, it lasted only for a year. I had friends there. Friends whom i could chill with, some with whom i could share what iam feeling. London changed me as a person. it taught me so much in a year compared to things learnt from 16-19 years of age. At 20, I had learnt to be diplomatic, how to talk to people, and discovered things about me that I didnt ever even wonder exists about me. It made me happy. Just looking at the swans in Thames or having a burrito made my day rocking and happening. Went on a vacation to many cities in Europe, laughed till my stomach just couldnt take it and I would start coughing. it just was the best escape.
After a year, I came back to my city.. I lost touch with friends there with me (even though we all live in the same city). I didnt care as i was busy preparing for my entrance exams. I became way too busy to realize the things that were changing in and around me. After 4 months, now my classes have ended. Its been a month now where I have stopped feeling anything, i have stopped studying, feelings prior London are coming back to me. I dont want it to. I guess I suppressed it way too long. Iam lucky to have supportive parents which helps me going. Ofcourse i smile and laugh when they are around me to make sure they dont get a hint but offlate Iam sure they have understood too. Its been a month of this helplessness.
i know it will pass on, iam a strong person.. It will move on..( or thats what i keep telling to myself) but sometimes one just needs to blow off steam and this is me, doing that. I want to feel again, I dont want to be lost and sleep for 12 hours. I want to enjoy reading again and listening to music. Well i have crossed a milestone with the music part. I will be better.. not for me, but for my parents but its just that i dont want to be alone anymore. i need someone who needs me too. Iam just not talking about love, But a friend.. who understands me and is there for me no matter what just like i was for every person who left me. I am done with people using me for their purposes. All I have learnt is inevitably, people leave and everytime it hurts like hell. I have my exams in three days and i havent studied since a month. there are many people whom I shared this with, but i ...nobody is able to understand the seriousness of this situation.
Well as they nothing is permanent in life. It applies to what I'm feeling as well and I hope it shall too pass.
things changed last year for me. I shifted to london for my future studies. Unfortunately, it lasted only for a year. I had friends there. Friends whom i could chill with, some with whom i could share what iam feeling. London changed me as a person. it taught me so much in a year compared to things learnt from 16-19 years of age. At 20, I had learnt to be diplomatic, how to talk to people, and discovered things about me that I didnt ever even wonder exists about me. It made me happy. Just looking at the swans in Thames or having a burrito made my day rocking and happening. Went on a vacation to many cities in Europe, laughed till my stomach just couldnt take it and I would start coughing. it just was the best escape.
After a year, I came back to my city.. I lost touch with friends there with me (even though we all live in the same city). I didnt care as i was busy preparing for my entrance exams. I became way too busy to realize the things that were changing in and around me. After 4 months, now my classes have ended. Its been a month now where I have stopped feeling anything, i have stopped studying, feelings prior London are coming back to me. I dont want it to. I guess I suppressed it way too long. Iam lucky to have supportive parents which helps me going. Ofcourse i smile and laugh when they are around me to make sure they dont get a hint but offlate Iam sure they have understood too. Its been a month of this helplessness.
i know it will pass on, iam a strong person.. It will move on..( or thats what i keep telling to myself) but sometimes one just needs to blow off steam and this is me, doing that. I want to feel again, I dont want to be lost and sleep for 12 hours. I want to enjoy reading again and listening to music. Well i have crossed a milestone with the music part. I will be better.. not for me, but for my parents but its just that i dont want to be alone anymore. i need someone who needs me too. Iam just not talking about love, But a friend.. who understands me and is there for me no matter what just like i was for every person who left me. I am done with people using me for their purposes. All I have learnt is inevitably, people leave and everytime it hurts like hell. I have my exams in three days and i havent studied since a month. there are many people whom I shared this with, but i ...nobody is able to understand the seriousness of this situation.
Well as they nothing is permanent in life. It applies to what I'm feeling as well and I hope it shall too pass.
