kamkaroo

[juliett]

I am done. I can't deal with the physical pain anymore. I no longer enjoy anything. I know I've said before that I would never suicide because of what it does to those left behind, but I just can't be that strong any longer. I've been a hamster running in a wheel doing everything I could to get help and I'm so tired of fighting for it only to be denied time and time again.
Those I love and leave behind will just have to deal with it and move on. I know that sounds cold, but I'm just not the same person anymore. I wish I could be stronger for them, but I can't.
I always thought I could hold on to watch my precious granddaughter grow up. I care for her at least two days a week and at other times. I live one block away so it's convenient for everyone. But I can't even lift her anymore without lasting pain. She's young enough that she probably won't even remember me after a while. At least she can't miss me then.

I have the means. It won't be for a while. I need to get affairs in order. One good thing: having finally made this final decision gives me a measure of relief that I haven't been able to obtain from anything else.