Depression Understood Forums

brand new here so sorry for a slightly lengthy post

It seems to build up each day. The feeling starts out in the back of my mind and I usually attribute it to a job I do not enjoy but then as the days go on and then a few weeks pass I realise "uh oh it's happening again". Depression rears its ugly head and then I know that I won't be able to go to work for at least a day in order to just lie curled up in bed. I get a split weekend off (day off, day on, day off, 4 days on) and it leaves me exhausted since I work a 40hour week as a manager. I'm 20 years old and this severely impacts on any form of social life since a lot of my friends are at uni on my days off so I end up calling in sick to work (because having a "cold" or "stomach bug" is a much easier excuse to use than "sorry I just can't get out of bed this morning") instead of being out there and doing things with other people that help make me happy.
Today has been one of these days and tomorrow I am off work with a "cold" and no chance of being able to talk to a professional since theyre always booked up for at least a week or two. Plus my boss has noticed I seem to have been sick a lot lately with the flu or a cold. Sadly physical illness is much easier for people to understand than mental illness.

Hello Andro,

Sorry to hear about your situation.

If you are not happy about your job, what would you rather be doing instead? If you know what you'd rather do, then what is stopping you?

People spend a big part of their lives working and work can really drain people, even more so if they don't enjoy it. Please don't feel like you have to be stuck there especially if it is making you depressed and making you not want to go into work at all. Figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are and look for something more suitable for the skills you have and areas you want to develop. There's no point spending years in the wrong career when you want to be somewhere else. I know people have bills to pay but that's not an excuse for not going for something you truly want. Not everyone loves or enjoy their jobs so they fill their weekends/days off with things that enjoy to compensate. Find a way that works for you and start enjoying life x

I have applied for a new job, but there's always that chance I might not get it - which is just life.
Sadly I'm stuck doing this job that I do because even if I were to look for another job, the job market where I live is currently not full of companies wanting to hire people and very soon I would have been working here for a year so I will get my annual leave payout if I were to quit.
I'm still continuing to do this job because it pays. I always have this anxiety in the back of my mind like 'I need to save my money so that one day I can afford a house and to be able to pay bills, etc' but then I realise that while saving for those things it means I'm probably going to miss out on traveling - something I've always wanted to do but is also pretty expensive and somewhat of a luxury. It's that general feeling of 'running out of time'.
If only money didn't make the world go round.

It is good that you have been applying for other jobs, don't stop trying until you get a "yes". You should wait for your annual leave, that makes sense but you need to up your performance as your future employers may ask for references and you don't want them to say you we're ill half the time. I know it's tough but find the courage and do it for yourself.

I guess having no money can make one feel insecure but there is always money to be made no matter where you go. Travelling is a luxury but it also is a great learning experience. If that is what you want to do, there are things like working holiday visas you can look into.

There is nothing wrong with saving money and wanting to buy your own house, I think it's great how you are thinking ahead. However, you can do both at the same time or one after the other, you just need to be flexible. How long do you want to travel for? Which places do you want to visit?