Depression Understood Forums

I have been having a rough time lately. Probably my fault more than anyone else's. I don't feel like a good person and most of the time nothing seems fun or enjoyable at all. Most of the time I kinda just go from very angry to sad to just unconcerned with anything and I can't put others through dealing with that.

Lately I have been thinking about just getting away. I just want to draw out all my money, get in my car and go explore the world. I want to go see the grand canyon, or Mount Rushmore, or places like that. Don't tell anyone and just travel. When I run out of money I can die in some quiet place where my body won't cause a fuss. Most people would be happier without me in the world anyways and I think that would be the best way to leave it.

Me too...sometimes I think I'll just cash out of everything and move to Florida or disappear to Mexico. And too often I think, and feel, the world would be better off without me.

Few understand these feelings and the frustrating part is trying to figure out how we can get back to feeling "normal". I don't have an answer, just empathy. For me, I'm going to try different medication and hope I can get through this intact.

I've observed obituaries that read "...lost her battle with depression" which is code for suicide. I figured out a few years ago that wasn't an option for me. In part because I pictured my family having to deal with that big messy emotional mess. It's not their burden but it would be something they'd carry forever. and second; the fear of the unknown.

Bottom line is we've been dealt a pretty shitty hand. But we're lucky in a way because it's 2014. A 100 years ago people like us would have been shacked to a bed and put in an asylum....or burned at the stake. I think our homework is to figure it out...figure out what works for us...medication...shock therapy...whatever.

I understand also, I have been having a rough time of things too for a few weeks. It maybe the weather. I know some of it is caused by a huge dental bill I will have when I have some work done. So of course that makes me put off having the work done and makes the depression and anxiety worse.