Another cease-fire tango
Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 7:58 am
I feel like it may be ok, might be safe to be excited about my future. A little bit. Haven't felt like this in such a long time. But how long will it last. I feel the depression floating around me all the time but for now it doesn't try to smother me. It's happened before, this cease-fire tango. I can't make the mistake of thinking I won, can't let my guard down for a second. Last time it was a mistake that almost destroyed me. Not again. But still I feel hopeful. In about 40 days I will be in college... which is scary but I believe it's something I have to do. If I keep putting myself out there, if I keep learning new skills, if I keep crawling forward... I believe something good is waiting for me. Of course it may be yet another trick, another thing to haunt me in years to come. The thought of being surrounded by people, of being a damaged 24-year old studying, learning new things, trying to make friends... is a terrifying image... and yet such a warm fantasy.