Depression Understood Forums

Is there any one out there as alone as I am. I mean literally alone. Each day every day, now, for Months, years even, I spend at least 18 hours alone. If you don't count the time on the bus (I rarely talk to people) it's more like twenty hours alone. No wonder I post so obsessively.

It's not that I'm lonely. When I'm with people I start to look forward to being alone again. And it's not that I'm doing nothing or that I would necessarily be doing more surrounded by people. But I do feel strange and isolated. I also feel like, if I could be more connected, I would be better off, but that's not the way life is working.

So I'm wondering; Is any one else out there alone this much? Is it OK? What do you do with your day? How do you feel about it?

Hi there,

During the week, I go to the gym and work, so I see people. During the weekend, I go to the gym.

I have my dogs. When the temperature is not too cold, I try to go for a walk with them.

Beside that, I'm always alone.

My psychiatrist asked me if exception of my work, if I was isolated. I told her yes. Then, she asked me if I suffer from that. I answered "no, not really". So, the question that you only can answer is : do you suffer from being isolated?

So I'm wondering; Is any one else out there alone this much? Is it OK?

If I understand you right from your posts, I think you work from your home. In this case, I think it could be benefit for you to go outside. But on another side, you say that when you're with people, you look forward to be alone again. So, the question is back : do you suffer from that?

Take care.

Frame, I'm objectively more isolated than even I realize according to the occasional comments I receive. Yet, it doesn't mean I really don't need anybody. I do enjoy a company, be it a spiritual, drumming or meditative circle, as well as a deeply intellectual discussion or a meeting with a person from different culture. However, there is a different me who knows that "all is vanity". That different person takes over after an inevitable failure to connect, be it caused by lack of social skill, flaw in emotional control (ie emotional intelligence), or by not being assertive enough. I realize, it is not just the social situations that drive me back into isolation, but my being extremely hard on myself for my failures. Another factor is my comfort zone haven't included anyone in an immediate physical proximity for almost 20 years, so I got used to it to the point of being stuck in it.
I did want to reply to your other very thought-provoking posts too, but I couldn't come up with an intelligent response yet. Also, I artificially restricted the availability of internet for myself for the reasons of not feeling strong enough to resist its siren call 24/7.

I applaud your wisdom, no_answer in restricting your internet. That's good discipline. I think I've realized that my thoughts-to-words, whether in reading or in speaking, is not reliable. Which is why I feel more comfortable in isolation. I get angry when people don't give me time to express myself. I've been alive long enough to know I have something to say, but that many people don't have the attention span to listen.

But does that mean I suffer in isolation? I feel like it's two sides of a coin. I feel more contained, yet I would rather share more in my families lives. I can develop more insight, but that doesn't bring income. I don't work from my home although I spend most of my time there. I own and am sole employee of a retail shop in the center of a busy and large city. Yet I'm suffering there because I don't even try to bring in income. I have some very good clients with deep pockets. Some come from as far as four states for my services. One of my clients lives in England but comes by when he's in America.

But it's not enough any more, not in this economy. I'm going to lose it all because I can't bring myself to advertize. I don't have any employees any more, partly because I don't promote the business, and partly because I want to be alone here. So I guess that means I am suffering from it. I'm willing (if willing is the word) to lose my home and business rather than reach out. I can't do it any more. Funny thing is I know I'm going to lose my right to privacy also; but the knowledge doesn't motivate.

Some people actually like being alone, and choose to do so for various reasons. I feel that you do this through choice, you are pushing people away and not the other way around.

Do you feel alone, do you wish you was surrounded by other people? If not, then you don't have a problem, you are alone just as you want/like it and there is no problem with that.

Regarding your retail shop, you are stopping your business from growing through lack of promoting. You have also let your employees go just so that you can be there alone and you're not trying to bring in income. You know the consequences that it can lead to but you don't have the motivation to stop it from happening, why wait until its too late? it will only bring more problems and don't you have enough problems as it is so why let more pile up? When you're in the mood try to see what your options are, eg. Can't you employ people to do the work so that you don't have to be there? So you have time to focus on your own issues.

I have a made lot of assumptions in my post as I don't fully understand what it is that is bothering you, is it just loneliness or something more? x

...I don't fully understand what it is that is bothering you, is it just loneliness or something more?

Excellent question Ieris. Sometimes little problems, in life, get compensated or worked out.

Sometimes little problems are so fundamental to they way we work that, unless they are examined and accepted, they become fundamentally bigger problems, almost like a cancer. I think there are many people walking around with unexamined lives and unexamined problems. Depending on their environment and privilege status this may never interrupt their life's trajectory. On a need to know basis, they don't need to know.

My life's trajectory has been interrupted in a major way [actually whatever is bothering my has been shifting my path all my life. It just so happens I've found myself running a long a branch that's about to break. (Sorry for the mixed metaphors)]. But I'm still not seeing very clearly, what it is I'm grappling with, what's controlling this haphazard life of mine.

I haven't had much success in getting help, from some of the the best meaning people, to figure it out. That is a big part of my wanting to be alone; I'm trying to figure me out. I wonder if that's not true with most introverts.

Sometimes little problems are so fundamental to they way we work that, unless they are examined and accepted, they become fundamentally bigger problems, almost like a cancer. I think there are many people walking around with unexamined lives and unexamined problems. Depending on their environment and privilege status this may never interrupt their life's trajectory. On a need to know basis, they don't need to know.

Some say ignorance is bliss. Personally I like to let my mind explore even if the findings aren't magical or what I imagined, much better than living like a goldfish in a bowl and not know what's out there. What would you choose Frame?

I agree with you that something so trivial can grow into something quite life threatening if it isn't dealt with sooner, as you mentioned almost like cancer. You need to ask yourself who let that happen? Why wasn't something done sooner? Some people run away from their problems hoping that it would disappear on its own, but when it doesn't it can grow so large that it can interfere and destroy their life.

My life's trajectory has been interrupted in a major way [actually whatever is bothering my has been shifting my path all my life. It just so happens I've found myself running a long a branch that's about to break. (Sorry for the mixed metaphors)]. But I'm still not seeing very clearly, what it is I'm grappling with, what's controlling this haphazard life of mine.

No worries, I like metaphors ^_^ I don't think that branch is going to break until you decide to give up. I believe the answer is in your head somewhere, you need to ask yourself the right questions to find the answers.

I haven't had much success in getting help, from some of the the best meaning people, to figure it out. That is a big part of my wanting to be alone; I'm trying to figure me out. I wonder if that's not true with most introverts.

You can find out more about yourself while being alone but you can also find out other aspects of yourself from interaction with other people. When you're alone you may think you are A, B, C but when a real life situation happens you turn out to be X, Y, Z. One's mind doesn't always give out facts, it is somewhat biased so don't always believe it.

I read books and it really helps me know myself better, there were things that I was not willing to admit about myself but as I was dealing with a book and not an actual person, no one was judging me but myself.

Some generic questions got me thinking, such as:

If I can live again, what would I do differently?

When I leave this world, what do I want others' to remember about me?

I wrote my answers down on paper and when I read over it, it suddenly hit me that I'm not even dead yet and I can still do many of those things and I no longer felt stuck.

Just out of curiosity, is there a problem in your life or is there something missing in your life?

Hi Frame,
I just stumbled upon your post, today.
You seem to desire keeping to yourself, but there also appears to be a separate part of you that wishes to have more human contact...but when you are in the presence of others, for any lengthy amount of time, you wish to just be alone? I hear you, and I deal with the same.

It hurts. It's frustrating. It's confusing. Again, loneliness hurts. I know...

Grateful I am, for all I'm blessed with, but I only have some phone contact with family I haven't seen in over 15 years. When I contemplate how short life is? It scares me to death. I don't want to lose any one of them...It's been much too long since I've been with them. Okay, so now it feels as though my heart is breaking. I'm sorry for the 'poor me' sounding crap.

Frame, I just wanted you to know that I have the same issue you do. It's hard to understand, huh? Perhaps, there is a block in our subconscious we've created, to avoid being hurt. It's the only thing I can think of (and feel) that makes any real sense. Though I can't be the diagnostic mind to figure you out 100%, I can only guess based upon the fact that I'm experiencing the same.

P.S. Darn it...I'm outta my hazelnut creamer!!!