So i've been fighting depression for the past year and a bit and although i di seem to be improving, there is one thing that still presents itself and it's linked to a few things and i don't really anyone to talk to at 20 to 1 in the morning :p
Basically whenever i goto clubs it's a real battle for me not to get depressed i have to be in a really happy mood for me to enjoy myself anything less than that i get depressed, i think that this is due to last year i saw my first love getting friendly with my friend (who ended up dating her for a few months, needless to say i was devistated) but since then i can't go into a clubs without thinking about this girl and how i still have very strong feelings for her
Brings me on to my second point, i have never had a gf or sex for that matter and when i hear all these stories of people getting laid from girls at clubs i can't help but get really down, now although i wouldn't do it anyway (i know i would get too emotionally attached from a one night stand) the fact that i'm single and have been since i've been intrested in girls (around 16) makes me feel pathetic, useless and inadequate, of course i want the right girl to come along, but there are times where i just want a girl to find me attractive (even if she is drunk) yet i still can't get over my feelings for this girl, she is my best friend and i still love her despite me forcing myself to move on
I just don't know what to do in this situation, i'm reaching the end of uni and something inside me is saying that once uni ends, my social life will be all but extinct which will make me feel even worse beacuse i really will be at square 1 again, and that ISN'T a good place for me i tend to focus on this girl again and when i do find someone else i find attractive, i think i kinda give of the desperate / creepy vibe
Sorry for wall of text, talking about it helps (even if it is over the internet to a bunch of strangers)
Still got problems with my depression (club issues)
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Hello Tcrumpen,
It seems like your depression stems from this girl that you fancy. Have you expressed the way you feel to her? If she has rejected you or you know that it isn't going to happen then its best to move on. Don't let this turn into some sort of obsession cos that is really creepy :p
It is good that you are not jumping onto every girl just to get laid, even if everyone around you are, it doesn't mean you have to. It sounds perfectly sensible to wait for the right girl to come along. Can't you simply love this girl as a friend and appreciate having her as a friend than nothing at all? It is normal to have soft spots for people but it doesn't mean it has to result in a relationship.
Yes when you are interested in someone, it is easy to look quite desperate so now that you are aware of this issue, tone it down! Play it cool :p
Dress up, get a new haircut, do something that will make you feel more confident about yourself. Confidence can be attractive so work on that! Good luck!
It seems like your depression stems from this girl that you fancy. Have you expressed the way you feel to her? If she has rejected you or you know that it isn't going to happen then its best to move on. Don't let this turn into some sort of obsession cos that is really creepy :p
It is good that you are not jumping onto every girl just to get laid, even if everyone around you are, it doesn't mean you have to. It sounds perfectly sensible to wait for the right girl to come along. Can't you simply love this girl as a friend and appreciate having her as a friend than nothing at all? It is normal to have soft spots for people but it doesn't mean it has to result in a relationship.
Yes when you are interested in someone, it is easy to look quite desperate so now that you are aware of this issue, tone it down! Play it cool :p
Dress up, get a new haircut, do something that will make you feel more confident about yourself. Confidence can be attractive so work on that! Good luck!
Ieris wrote:Hello Tcrumpen,
It seems like your depression stems from this girl that you fancy. Have you expressed the way you feel to her? If she has rejected you or you know that it isn't going to happen then its best to move on. Don't let this turn into some sort of obsession cos that is really creepy :p
It is good that you are not jumping onto every girl just to get laid, even if everyone around you are, it doesn't mean you have to. It sounds perfectly sensible to wait for the right girl to come along. Can't you simply love this girl as a friend and appreciate having her as a friend than nothing at all? It is normal to have soft spots for people but it doesn't mean it has to result in a relationship.
Yes when you are interested in someone, it is easy to look quite desperate so now that you are aware of this issue, tone it down! Play it cool :p
Dress up, get a new haircut, do something that will make you feel more confident about yourself. Confidence can be attractive so work on that! Good luck!
This girl know everything, i've told her everything my feelings my err "dreams" and day to day i'm fine i can go without thinking about her, but there are situations in life (such as clubs) which unless i'm in a very good mood always makes me think of her, i'm doing my best to love her as a friend as i know it's not gonna happen (she said so herself). This girl is my first love and although i'm come a long way since these feelings started i still get them now and then
Thing is i have problems with confidence due to depression, anxiety and childhood problems (probably anyway) but the things i do that make me confident i can't do in clubs (I like to sing, i take Salsa dancing lessons; those two are the main things which boost my confidence)
I developed a phrase "Once 'I' started sensing some achievement in my love life i'll get better, but problem is when i go back to square one for what ever reason, my brain kinda goes to it's setting it was in last year, i have managed to get close to one girl this year, but for reasons i still can't work out she rejected me (on the first meet up we had she was topless on my bed as i was giving her a back massage)
Maybe you shout avoid clubs for a while as it brings back memories of her and you are clearly not over her yet. Just because everyone goes clubbing, it doesn't mean you have to. It is good that you have other interests, the singing and salsa dance classes sound cool, you can always make new friends when taking up different activities 
Personally I would start working on my problems first before trying to start a relationship with anyone. Even if a girl appeared in your life, they might not take all your troubles away, you'll simply be diverting your attention elsewhere and if this girl leaves, your problems will come flooding back. So why not deal with the root of the problem first.
You have identified that your have issues with confidence, does this only happen with girls or other areas in your life as well?
Personally I would start working on my problems first before trying to start a relationship with anyone. Even if a girl appeared in your life, they might not take all your troubles away, you'll simply be diverting your attention elsewhere and if this girl leaves, your problems will come flooding back. So why not deal with the root of the problem first.
You have identified that your have issues with confidence, does this only happen with girls or other areas in your life as well?
Ieris wrote:Maybe you shout avoid clubs for a while as it brings back memories of her and you are clearly not over her yet. Just because everyone goes clubbing, it doesn't mean you have to. It is good that you have other interests, the singing and salsa dance classes sound cool, you can always make new friends when taking up different activities
Personally I would start working on my problems first before trying to start a relationship with anyone. Even if a girl appeared in your life, they might not take all your troubles away, you'll simply be diverting your attention elsewhere and if this girl leaves, your problems will come flooding back. So why not deal with the root of the problem first.
You have identified that your have issues with confidence, does this only happen with girls or other areas in your life as well?
Mainly with girls, although it does translate in real life as well (not doing a very good job at making myself not sound like a nerd here am i :p ) and problem i sometimes want to go clubbing in the hope that i do get some action (even if it is a drunken kiss)
Also one thing that makes me feel down is when people i know start flirting with each other by sending each other links for some "speciality items" lets say, those kinda things are a big turn on for me, so i really feel left out about that
haha nothing wrong with nerds, nerds can be cool! :p are you attracted to nerdy girls?
What is it that attracted you to your first love, what makes her special?
Hmm pretty hard to get in the loop if you aren't close to those people. I am assuming that it is something kinky which people are more likely to keep private and not share around so there is no need to feel left out...
What is it that attracted you to your first love, what makes her special?
Hmm pretty hard to get in the loop if you aren't close to those people. I am assuming that it is something kinky which people are more likely to keep private and not share around so there is no need to feel left out...
Ieris wrote:haha nothing wrong with nerds, nerds can be cool! :p are you attracted to nerdy girls?
What is it that attracted you to your first love, what makes her special?
Hmm pretty hard to get in the loop if you aren't close to those people. I am assuming that it is something kinky which people are more likely to keep private and not share around so there is no need to feel left out...
I'm a nerd/geek and proud
yes i am attracted to nerdy / geeky girls
My first love was pretty much everything i was looking for at the time, beautiful body, really caring (first person to truley care about me as more than a uni friend) genuine, really cute and pretty, played guitar for a bit, doing a math degree (if that doens't make you a nerd / geek no sure what does) beautiful eyes and hair, always makes me laugh, whenever she was in the room couldn't help but smile, the only downside was that she was christian (i'm an athesist) but i looked past that + she wasn't one of those bible bashing christans
Wow, she sounds amazing, no wonder you are having a hard time getting over her :p
Well you have given it a try already and she wants to be friends, so best you can do is respect her wishes and be a good friend to her. There are plenty of nerdy / geeky girls out there so just keep looking!
i know in previous posts I wrote how you can change yourself to feel more confident about yourself but thinking from a different perspective you also have a choice of just being who you are and find someone who likes you that way. Choice is yours.
Good luck with the ladies and keep me updated! ^_^
Well you have given it a try already and she wants to be friends, so best you can do is respect her wishes and be a good friend to her. There are plenty of nerdy / geeky girls out there so just keep looking!
i know in previous posts I wrote how you can change yourself to feel more confident about yourself but thinking from a different perspective you also have a choice of just being who you are and find someone who likes you that way. Choice is yours.
Good luck with the ladies and keep me updated! ^_^
Ieris wrote:Wow, she sounds amazing, no wonder you are having a hard time getting over her :p
Well you have given it a try already and she wants to be friends, so best you can do is respect her wishes and be a good friend to her. There are plenty of nerdy / geeky girls out there so just keep looking!
i know in previous posts I wrote how you can change yourself to feel more confident about yourself but thinking from a different perspective you also have a choice of just being who you are and find someone who likes you that way. Choice is yours.
Good luck with the ladies and keep me updated! ^_^
She is amazing, although like me she can be stubborn at times :p i'd like to think we are best friends and i think she is my cloest friend
I wrote her a love letter, it's actually on here on the Art section i think, i may do a bit of both, doing Salsa has improved my confidence a bucket load
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