Depressed

Everyday life. How was your day?

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Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Depressed

Postby Bluizz » Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:22 pm

Hi, since I joined this site a few days ago, I feel more depressed then I did before. I am disabled, and though I am married I feel very alone. I am home alone all day and night with no one to talk to. My husband works three jobs to make up what we use to make. I see him breifly every day for about an hour and one day on the weekend, and that day is mostly arguing. I do not have any family or friends where I live. I was injured 8 years ago when i moved to a new city and state. i never was able to make any friends in that short time. the only people i know are doctors, lawyers ,pain and stress.I am only in my mid 50's and feel like my life is over. i wish at times I could just disapear. Does anyone have any advise on how i need to cope with this dispare? I feel so alone

hollyann
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Postby hollyann » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:27 pm

Hi Bluizz. I understand it can feel like your life is over but its not. Have you tried joining support groups? Have you tried the chatroom here? There is always someone in there and you can talk either to a room or a private message to someone. Is there anything in particular you argue about?

hollyann

Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Depressed

Postby Bluizz » Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:12 pm

Thanks for answering, it makes me feel like someone out there cares. My husband and I mostly argue about me being so alone. I just want someone to talk to or do something with during the day or even once a week. I love him, but he is my only sounding board, so that makes it hard. I want him to come home to someone happy after he has worked so hard, not someone that is so desperate for attention. I am use to being extremely independent and juggling tons of activities and now, I just sit here at home alone everyday. Since my injury I have lost who I am. How do I re-invent myself?

hollyann
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Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:44 pm
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Postby hollyann » Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:33 pm

By not letting your injury define you. Have you ever tried googling people with similar injuries? Seeing how their life changed, seeing what they've done or accomplished since those injuries? Even if its just supporting and offering others understanding. Are there things you can do to make you feel more independent? Maybe there are crafts you can do and sell. I know they might not compare to what you used to do, but it can be fulfilling in its own way. Check out things people have done with injuries. I know some stories may not end so well. But I know there are some out there that have to have better endings. Just don't give up. This injury it doesn't define you. You are more than it. And it doesn't mean your life is over. It just means its different, but it doesn't mean you can't adjust, or find something that will make this new you happy.

Frame
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Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:52 pm

Hi Bluizz and thank you for filling us in a bit more. Others have said and I know it's true that typing words on a screen aren't always a great substitute for in person conversation. But my first wish for you, is that posting here can relieve some of the strain in your relationship with your husband. We can't walk away so you can say what you like.

My second wish for you, is that you come to know your not alone in your suffering.

My third wish is that you can use knowledge to ease your suffering. Some of that can be found here. I hope we can be some support to you.

Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Postby Bluizz » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:02 pm

I just don't feel like I can do it alone. I need support. I am afraid of being totally alone. I use to be the one that gave support to people. My gift is serving others, how can I serve others when I can no longer serve myself. I feel weak and insecure. I feel broken. I am not normally negative, I believe all human beings need each other. We can not survive alone. I miss my connections with people. I need someone or something to bring me back to life. I am permanently disabled and I know there are people in worse shape then me. I would like to join the chat line , but my iPad will not allow me to upload the flash app. I did glance at the chat room on a home computer, but people seemed to be talking about obscured things that I felt were inappropriate and nothing to do with depression . I do not know how to use the personal message on this site. I glad your there listening to me. Thank you

Frame
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Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:31 pm

Your welcome; I'm glad your here talking to us.
Apple abandoned Flash. I think it was one of those decisions based on world domination. I found chat to be faster and shallower. I'm surprised how many people have a hard time with PMing. I think that I haven't may just be a quirk of my operating system.

But honestly, unless it's a deeply private subject, I prefer to use the forum where more people (even if they are not posting) can read and benefit from the conversation. Which reminds me; I hope you get to puruse old posts because some of them might give you some ideas. You may even have some answers of your own to post.

hollyann
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Postby hollyann » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:37 pm

Hi again. Sometimes the room can be off-topic or get out of hand. Our mods do our best to try to steer it back. Sometimes distraction can help some people but they are usually really good about listening if someone does try to speak up. A PM is a private message, and you can do these by double clicking on a persons name after asking/receiving permission in the main room. If you decide you'd like to try the chat room again, you can click on the button on the right that says having troubles with flash. That will let you join the room without having to install flash. Its how many people who use phones and other things connect.

Your entitled to how you feel. The good thing about being here is that we don't compare problems here. Its not about who is worse off. Its about feeling hurt and having the right to feel better. About having someone to listen, and not feeling so alone.

When someone tells me how broken they feel, and this is something I have to tell myself too. Think of a stained glass window, its made of a lot of broken pieces but its fit together to create something beautiful. And often times its better than it was before.

As far as serving others, that's understandable. But sometimes by serving others we learn to help ourselves. Have you maybe tried to volunteer, or help out at a place for people who is disabled? Seeing someone like yourself, who has had your share of pain, and is disabled could be a huge inspiration to those that feel the same way.

Like I said this doesn't define you. You're not broken, your hurting yes, but I don't see you as broken. You're not alone now, you have us.

hollyann

Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Postby Bluizz » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:59 pm

Thank you. A lot of my depression, is stress and the unknown I guess. I was injured at work, and I know to the lawyers it is just a game on winning and losing, but it's my life at stake not theirs. I have had 8 years of being in pain, lawyers doctors and stress. I won my case of coarse but no settlement yet and I just filed for social security another hurdle. I feel like the process just sucked the life out of me. I found out with workers comp if you don't fight for your rights they will eat you alive. I lost the happy in me during the last eight years. I also know my husband did not plan on having a disabled wife and I always fear he will leave me for someone more able. I have seen a therapist in the past but they always seem to be analyzing me, it made me feel uncomfortable. I so appreciate your responses.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:51 pm

I understand what you mean about therapists, most of them. I think there has to be a right fit between you and the therapist. I think it's more difficult than most people think or therapists are willing to admit (they'd loose a lot of patients). A therapist has to do more than diagnose. They have to understand. In my opinion, not every therapist cares that much. I guess they all have a range of skills.

Sounds like your in transition from battle mode to decommissioning and putting away some of your armor. Does that seem right to you?

Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Postby Bluizz » Sun Sep 22, 2013 6:05 pm

Your right, I won the war but the battle is not over. I just want a somewhat normal life again I am glad your here to help me through this : )

fallen
Posts: 264
Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 1:04 am

Postby fallen » Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:44 pm

perhaps you could volunteer to read stories to children in hospitals, or the elderly in aged care facilities, i am sure both institutions would really appreciate you.
i feel for you
take care

Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Postby Bluizz » Sun Sep 22, 2013 10:02 pm

Volunteering would be great, but I still have more surgeries to go, I see pain management again this week. I pray they will be able to help me this time .me and medicine do not mix very well, I am allergic to most meds making pain managing very hard. Having ya'll to talk to has been great.

SMcGregor
Posts: 35
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:13 am

Postby SMcGregor » Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:57 am

Loneliness may be felt as a result of a lack of love in our life.
Express your feelings and talk about events. This can be done with friends or with a counsellor. Look at the consequences of internalising or pushing down negative feelings.

Become aware of your own self talk and when it’s negative, change it.

Bluizz
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:06 pm
Location: Florida

Depressed

Postby Bluizz » Tue Sep 24, 2013 12:44 pm

I think you hit the nail on the head. I have no one that cares or loves me, or if they do, they do not show it. I have no support group, so far this site is the only friend I truley have. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. Being in pain all the time does not help, because I get frustrated and stressed trying to figure things out on my own. I am over whelmed. I'm sick of trying to find people to help me, there is always doctors appointments and tons of paperwork and if paperwork is not filled out correctly there are always delays. I pray this is all a bad dream and I just want to wake up and start living again.


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