Having trouble dealing with men

[BritAurora]

When I was 4 I was molested by my neighbor. Since I did'nt want to testify in court because I was terified and had social anxiety he only went to prison for one year and was released. Now I get these flashbacks and I just want to stab a hole through my hands and scream and cry. I get so discusted. It hurts so much.


When I walk to andfrom school everyday low-life men constantly cat call me and try to get me in their car. I'v been lured towards mens cars, stalked, masterbated to, creeped on, by men that live in my area. They sexualize me to the point of strong discomfort. They treat me like trash. I see it in them, all they think about is raping me and throwing me in a ditch. I think about me stabbing them and putting them in pain watching them in fear and begging for mercy. It's the most powerful and horrible feeling. I can't make it stop.


When I was a kid I allways thought about how beautiful boys and relationships where. I craved it so much and allways failed. Boys did'nt like me. I was'nt pretty or normal enough. Until finally! A guy liked me, and I liked him. It was the end of 8th grade. I did'nt know it. I did'nt understand it. I was so confused. He would only f*** me, use me, and dump me. At age 13, this is what it came to. He does'nt know, but I hated myself for it. four years later he's in a happy and committed relationship with my best friend.

[Frame]

It's been a few days Brit. I'm not sure I've the best perspective on what your going through. At 17 that's a lot to be dealing with. I'm a man from America so don't quite know how what I say might relate. But, I was wondering about your future and if you have any plans past school. Your living in a place where your not safe from verbal abuse; are living somewhere at least physically safe? Who are you living with? Do you discuss the future with anyone?

You can discuss anything you like here.

Thanks.

[BritAurora]

It's been a few days Brit. I'm not sure I've the best perspective on what your going through. At 17 that's a lot to be dealing with. I'm a man from America so don't quite know how what I say might relate. But, I was wondering about your future and if you have any plans past school. Your living in a place where your not safe from verbal abuse; are living somewhere at least physically safe? Who are you living with? Do you discuss the future with anyone?

You can discuss anything you like here.

Thanks.

I'm from US too.

As of now, within my house I am very safe I have no negative verbal or physical confrontations. Outside of my house, I keep my gaurd up but i'v never been attacked.

I have an okay plan for my future. Not sure as of career, but i'm pursuing something in art. Probably animation. I really want to travel though.

[4EverMe]

Hi Brit,
I'm glad you posted here. It helps to have an outlet, and others who are listening-- who can either sympathize or relate. But I'm sorry for why it is that you've posted to begin with. I do hurt for you.

For what you experienced at such a young age, my heart truly goes out to you. That man who did only a year? He should have been shot, in my opinion. And did this happen continually by him?

Where is RESPECT in society?! It enrages me that some men have no qualms with verbally inflicting their perversion upon any female they
wish. I have also dealt with this; Doesn't matter how respectably dressed I am. Makes me wonder how men like this were raised. The media DOES have A LOT to do with it, because they condition men to view women as mere sex-objects. (as they also brainwash people to think 'beauty' is in the form of a stick figure, or someone dressed as a prostitute)! Ticks me off. I hope you soon move into a neighborhood where people have common decency. Good luck to you, Brit

[Alaska1958]

Hi Brit. I'm really sorry to hear of your troubles. I can understand how you can resent men (I am a man, by the way). I know we, far to often, do not behave very well.

Some years back I sat on a grand jury. On a grand jury you decide whether or not to bring an indictment against someone and you deal with several cases a day. On the jury I was on we met every Wednesday for a month. It was dispiriting to me because we kept dealing with three types of cases. There were fairly stupid people who committed petty crime. Like one guy who stole someone's snow machine, then when he was through with it he set it on fire and walked back home, through the snow. The police, alerted to the fire, followed his tracks to his house. A second kind of crime was people who committed some crime while either drunk or stoned (usually either driving under the influence or assault).

But the worst crimes, and I had no idea there were that many, were the sex crimes. Men, often with a history of sex abuse, would be caught either trying to pick up some girl or molesting some young boy or girl. One young girl of 12 had to come in and give us testimony about how when she was walking the three blocks from her home to the video store had some guy trying to talk her into getting into his car. She didn't get in and got his license number. He turned out to be a convicted sex offender who had moved in nearby.

That being said, I hope you know that most of those guys who ogle you, whistle at you or call out to you may be being very disrespectful, rude and crude, but I don't believe most of them would hurt you.