Coldness

[CyCoLoner]

Hey, its me again.
I had an oddly experience yesterday. A classmate invited me to his 18th birthday. It was something special for me - tje first time somebody from school invited me to a party. Could not even dream of that on my former school.
It was a funny day. We had a small camp on a rivers bank, with campfire, torches, all this. Cool area, cool party.
After a time, one of the girls starting speaking to me. Hugged me. Tried to kiss me. I dind't know what to do - never had a girlfriend, I always tried to live without that. So I had no idea how to behave. I went to look for her boyfriend, I thought, he might know what to do. But I didnt find him, and when I retuerned, she had left, too. After a while she retuerned.
She told me that she just broke up with him. And that she loved me. I believe this happened 'cause she was drunk - a few bottles of beer.
I was and I am in a f***ing bad situation. She left her boyfriend alone, just to be together with me. And I am not able and not willing to love. All this emotional stuff ... I am able to hate, that's all. But I can absolutely not love. So what the hell can I do?!
I managed to get her to the next trainstation, so she could drive home. I went home, too. Not knowing what was really going on. Not knowing what I could do.

So many people at school. Why the f**k did she choose me of all them?! Me, who just hates people?!
There are some days that make me believe my whole fate is a story of bad luck, of problems and all this.

Just wanted to write this down. Not quite sure what to do now. I guess I'll speak to her and her boyfriend on monday. Maybe we can solve this problem. If not ... I am kicked in the ass once again. Just my luck ...

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((((( CyCoLoner ))))))))))))))))))

Hope you listen to your own wisdom. Just a hug coming your way.

Warmie