Be Careful Who You Talk To

[stillwaters]

After my major emotional meltdown in September which was aided by reaction to anti depressants and alcohol and whatever is wrong with my brain, my Dr suggested I work with the local crisis team in order to see a psychiatrist sooner to get help with meds. In this process, I spent 3 hours at the hospital once again spilling my soul and innermost pain out to a stranger. A few days later I was visited at home by a nurse/psych therapist to repeat the process. I foolishly asked my wife to sit in on that meeting.
I actually thought that talking to regular people about my condition would reduce the stigma of mental health issues. I also thought that having my wife sit in on the therapists visit might better help her to understand what I am going through. I tried to be open with the few people left that I feel at all comfortable talking to. I will not make that mistake again. I have been unable to return to work because of my anxiety which reached another peak this week. My wife went to Florida for 10 days for a vacation and while I was glad she could get a holiday away from me, I was worried before she left, what I might do if left alone.
She returned 2 days ago and yesterday took the time to tell me that this is no way for me to live my life. She asked if I had any idea how it made HER FEEL to know that I had considered suicide 100s of times.
I have always said that I am glad that people do not understand how it feels to suffer from depression and anxiety. I dont know how to feel now but betrayed comes to mind. Belittled, not worth being here. I was trying so hard to be positive and even though I struggle daily to find reasons to continue on a life that at times seems useless, I put on a happy face and try to be good to others.
I have never wanted to hurt other people. I will however be very carefull with whom I discuss my inermost feelings with (aside from an anonymous format) from now on. My wife was correct though that this is no way to live my life. So I am once again facing the question of how best to deal with that.

[crystalgaze]

I am with you, when you say be careful who you talk to out there.

It sounds like your wife cares about you and is just trying to pull you up and along the best way she knows how. I hope you won't be too mad at her. Alright? I also hope she didn't take it personally; sometimes that is what people who hear about depression do.

Example: I've had this happen to me.... The other person says something to the effect of "I try so hard to do for you, to be light for your life, to try to make you happy, blah blah blah blah" when that individual just simply doesn't understand it is not about them and it is not anything to take personal or be offended/hurt by very deeply.

It is unfortunate that there doesn't really seem to be anyone to have a talk with out in the world--um, well specifically where we live.

I don't even have to say much before someone starts calling me names or negatively labeling me (e.g. weird, etc.), just when I start to feel a little safe and that maybe that person is a friend. I get the biggest W-R-O-N-G stamp on the situation.

Well... I hope that helps in some way. You can do it! (We both can.)

[karolanne]

Stillwaters, I know exactly what you mean. I suffer from depression and mental illness since I'm a child. I made often the mistake to talk to people around me about how I feel and let me tell you each time I did was a mistake.

Now, I talk to people on the chat, my therapist, my psychiatrist and my doctor, that's it.

I saw many times in my life the wife or husband telling how the depression of their love affect them. And to tell the truth, it's pretty normal. when you are in relationship, the feeling of being in security, to be able to always count on the other one is an important part of the couple. If some of the two has suicidal thoughs, it makes the other to lose this security.

What we live makes others feel unconfortable and then, they get a negative reaction.

Better to keep it for professionnal or the chat.

Take care

karolanne

[xll3]

Good thing this forum excists!!!. If you talk to people about how you feel they call you crazy! or change how they feel about you. The thing with me is at the time that i am acctually saying what is going on with me....by tomorrow i feel alot better. Then when they look at you the next day and expect to see the same basket case but whe you are not. You are now calle bipolar. You really cant trust no one not even your shadow....