Depression Understood Forums

Havent been coming around as often. I dont know, doesnt seem like this room helps me much anymore. Maybe cause Im not doing my share of the supporting, which is fair to say. Ive been withdrawing from most things in my life. Id rather not talk to anyone throughout the day, dont talk to friends anymore, dont do anything besides sleep and hide under blankets. It feels so comforting to hide. Ive gotten quite comfortable inside my dark empty world. Its getting harder and harder to break out, I almost dont want to. I have no idea what is going to happen next.

Coach,
I can't even put into words how much I would like to have someone to speak to here. I can't chat due to computer restrictions here at work, and computer access at home used to be monitored by a husband who was not good to anger. We have separated - for which I should be grateful and relieved. Instead, I have to remind myself to breath. My entire body hurts. He has been abusive and has serious substance abuse problems of his own. I loved him and didn't see what was right there - I still love him. I could really use someone to talk to.

Your post seemed like something between withdrawal and reaching out - if you're interested... I'm here.

Hi waiting, thank you very much for the reply and the support. Maybe I will catch you in the chat room sometime?

Good morning, Coach,
It's Monday - all day. It's supposed to rain later today, and I'm actually hoping it does. It's really hot already down here in Florida. And, I could really use a nap - I know, it's not even 9:00 a.m., but wanting to crawl back in bed, none-the-less. The weekend was up and down, like usual. In a lot of ways, the soon-to-be ex-husband and I get along so much better now than before. I feel like it's selfish, but I can take only the good parts, then when he's making really negative choices or is angry (usually at others, but directed at me), I can say, "this was fun, see you." I know, selfish, but I have been the target of his rage for so many years - it's nice to remember that there was something kind and fun. I have to remind myself I didn't fall for an abusive alcoholic; that was just a nasty little surprise that came with the package.
Saw a counselor and a medical doctor now. It's obvious right? It is nice to finally get some sleep. I haven't reached the point of wanting to rejoin the world yet - Prozac, or no, still profound sadness. The counselor warned that divorce, in some ways, is even harder to deal with than the death of a loved one. I'm starting to see that. Death is final; I still want to hold on to the good parts of a person I've spent the last ten years with - and he's right here. He just didn't want me enough to deal with his own demons.
I've rambled - please tell me how you're doing. Or just tell me about your day - whatever you're comfortable with.
Thanks for reading...
-M

Hi waiting,

Sorry I have not been to the forums in a while. Actually, I sort of had bad day yesterday. Just didnt feel good, just one of those days where you just want to lay down under a blanket. Which is what I did for most of the day. I think living with myself is the challenge of everyday. Im angry at myself for being so shamefully weak, letting the world make me feel useless. My problems are nothing, I should be able to handle life...but I struggle. I look for confirmation of my unworthiness in everyone and everything. Maybe someday I will be able to change my warped way of thinking...if I make it.

I don't know your story - just the little bit in this thread. I'm always willing to listen (read).
A really good friend told me not to beat myself up over needing a day or two to lay in bed and be sad. I've done that, but I'm not sure it's enough.
Hoping tomorrow is better!

((((((((((((((((((( COACH ))))))))))))))))))))

I for one miss you dear friend!!!!!!!!!!

Warmie/Jeanie