Depression Understood Forums

I'm not sure where to start. I guess the most pressing thing which caused me to seek out this forum is that this weekend I have lost an important relationship because I was being an insecure, codependent mess. It is so sad that I couldn't communicate with him in a way that didn't reveal my insecurity and the freaking mess that I am inside. I knew that he was so much healthier than me. That inspired me to get healthier (not that I wasn't already aware and working on it but it was even more so because of him) so that I thought that I could fake it till I made it! But the crazy came out anyway, exacerbated by his amazing control he had over his own emotions which I perceived as him not loving me anymore which is what made me freak out in the first place. I realize he has issues too, though he isn't as able to say sorry or even realize that he needs some work on those, but if I had held it together we could have made it work. I feel like I will never find that same level of attraction, chemistry, connection again. We were sooooo compatible intellectually, spiritually, and physically. I have never had that with anyone else. I feel lost, my future was with him. I had no vision outside of that. I don't know how to recreate myself. I thought maybe I could start with some positive affirmations? Instead of telling myself I will never be happy again, never find another one like him,. etc. Any words of support encouragement, or wisdom at all will help me. Thank you!

I keep checking in here hoping someone will have some encouragement for me. I woke up this morning with a start, from a dream I had of him. I felt a very profound sense of loss. I am grieving him. I think that I know it is better this way. I need to get my mess together before I try to bring another person in. And he did have a whole set of his own issues that he didn't even acknowledge. So yeah better, but not good. Feels really bad.
And then there's that whole chemistry thing that I am worried I will never find again. I don't understand the people who seem unaffected by their relationships, can just move on from one to another with no emotional effort. I am NOT one of those. Thanks for reading.

I'm new here too... I was compelled by your thread to sign up. Please know that you are not alone. I understand how difficult it can be losing someone you love because of the curse of depression. It is so devistating... and sometimes it makes life seem so incredibly hopeless. It really does make a good case for trying to get healthy... it's just, where do we start???

Stinky we all goof up. And we learn. Don't be too hard on yourself. All you can be is you at this time in your life. Our real self can't be hidden. Not really. Well it can but at what cost. So you have issues we all do and we learn from them.
You know you could try to be more open with him if that is an option and say you know I want to apologize for the other night. I was wrong and I regret it. What could it hurt? At least you know you made an amends and you know when we really care about someone our pride needs to go out the window. It may not be the right thing to do this but nothing else it would bring some closure to your feelings maybe.

As you say this guy is not perfect either.

As far as where to start, I would start with finding a dr. for an assessment to see if medication might help. It has me. And a counselor can help with the insecurities and working out issues from the past. If that is not an option well you sure did a very positive thing by finding this forum and posting. That was really a healthy thing to do. Take care. Melanie