Depression Understood Forums

Posted: **Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:57 pm**

It is difficult to deal with this disease anyway. If you missed my earlier posts here is my current situation in a nutshell: I put my husband through school--he took no jobs during this time. I was also a doctoral student and had 1 full time and two part time jobs. I took on a lot of debt, student and credit, during this time to make things work. I wasn't forthcoming with my husband about the debt I took on(all in my name, does not affect his credit), and now he feels betrayed. He left me last week but now is back. He is not talking to me tonight because we found out how much the monthly payments will be on the student loans. I should consider this an improvement over being told what stupid (insert words one should not use ever here) I am and perhaps watching or ducking a flying object or two.

I already hate myself. I don't think it is fair that he hates me so much too. I tried to provide well and not deny him anything. I wanted to make him happy. I was in denial of how poorly the payback phase would go. I was stupid about my credit. I should have been more upfront with my husband about the debt burden that supported our lifestyle. I've told him that many times, but it doesn't matter. Am I just a whiner who should suck it up and take the consequences? Feel free to be honest.

Saw my phych today and he added to my sleep/anxiety meds. I cannot wait for night to come so that I can try them. I just wish the sleep would never end.

Posted: **Tue Jul 03, 2012 3:43 pm**

dustinthewind wrote:It is difficult to deal with this disease anyway. If you missed my earlier posts here is my current situation in a nutshell: I put my husband through school--he took no jobs during this time. I was also a doctoral student and had 1 full time and two part time jobs. I took on a lot of debt, student and credit, during this time to make things work. I wasn't forthcoming with my husband about the debt I took on(all in my name, does not affect his credit), and now he feels betrayed. He left me last week but now is back.

From St8arrow

I am glad to hear that he has come back. Yes, I agree that you should have been forthcoming about the debt that you took on with your husband. You are now forced to face reality and it isn't pretty economically speaking.

Hopefully your husband will see that underneath it all, you wanted to have a successful marriage. Whether you believe this or not, in reality, your fear of failure made you act in a way that made failure almost inevitable. If the two of you are to remain together, you will have to be honest with him and he with you about the achievements that you must become successful at to give yourselves a chance to stay together.

I put forward a different set of ideas in your previous site. If you would prefer that I not enter any more advice for you in this site, I will adhere to your wishes. To a certain extent, I am similar to you. I want to help and if I am just making things worse for you please feel free to say so and I will act accordingly. In the meantime, I hope you and your husband can get through these difficult times and find happiness and love in your future lives together.

From dustinthewind

He is not talking to me tonight because we found out how much the monthly payments will be on the student loans. I should consider this an improvement over being told what stupid (insert words one should not use ever here) I am and perhaps watching or ducking a flying object or two.

I already hate myself. I don't think it is fair that he hates me so much too. I tried to provide well and not deny him anything. I wanted to make him happy. I was in denial of how poorly the payback phase would go. I was stupid about my credit. I should have been more upfront with my husband about the debt burden that supported our lifestyle. I've told him that many times, but it doesn't matter. Am I just a whiner who should suck it up and take the consequences? Feel free to be honest.

Saw my phych today and he added to my sleep/anxiety meds. I cannot wait for night to come so that I can try them. I just wish the sleep would never end.

Ask your psych if he has anything to say about the ideas that I have expressed above or does he think that meds alone are the answer?

Posted: **Tue Jul 03, 2012 4:05 pm**

I was feeling quite badly that no one had responded and once again, you "saved" me. I just need someone to bounce ideas off of. They don't have to be pretty--I appreciate your candor.

I think the truth probably lies somewhere in between-I screwed up, but he also he just let it all happen without question or help. (Referring to your previous post where he took the help and ran--I still think he thinks about it).

I asked about couples counseling and he said he recommends that the person first start in therapy alone and then add their spouse. He does primarily the meds side. I don't know what I think about that recommendation. It seems like we should start the journey together for complete transparency if nothing else.

Also, do the forums just move slowly here or am I doing something incorrectly (not a good fit for the site). If so I need to maybe move on, because it is difficult to be torn up inside and have such a long wait time for a response. Plus, my husband doesn't want me talking to my family or friends about it, so I've grown to be extremely isolated. The chat rooms are too difficult for me to follow and I'm such a slow typist that the topic has gone by once I am ready to contribute.

Thank you for your feedback on the above. OI do so appreciate your time!!!

Posted: **Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:23 am**

dustinthewind wrote:
I was feeling quite badly that no one had responded and once again, you "saved" me. I just need someone to bounce ideas off of. They don't have to be pretty--I appreciate your candor.

I think the truth probably lies somewhere in between-I screwed up, but he also. He just let it all happen without question or help. (Referring to your previous post where he took the help and ran--I still think he thinks about it).

I asked about couples counseling and he said he recommends that the person first start in therapy alone and then add their spouse.

From St8arrow

Fine, then suggest that he start in therapy alone while you start in therapy alone also. Of course this doesn't take into account your precarious economic situation. The point is, you have to determine if he is stalling for time and has no intention of seeking help. Or if he thinks that he is fine and you are the one who needs help.

While I am glad that they now have medications that can alleviate the "pain" of emotional problems, it is becoming increasingly evident to many people as well as many Doctors, that medication without therapy --- (I prefer cognitive behavioral therapy) --- is not the magic pill that they first thought it to be. For an in depth look at this situation, I refer you to Dr. Joseph Glemnullen and his book called, --- The Anti-Depressant Solution.

From Dustinthewind

He does primarily the meds side. I don't know what I think about that recommendation. It seems like we should start the journey together for complete transparency if nothing else.

From St8arrow

I think you are right.

From Dustinthewind

Also, do the forums just move slowly here or am I doing something incorrectly (not a good fit for the site). If so I need to maybe move on, because it is difficult to be torn up inside and have such a long wait time for a response.

From St8arrow

I agree with your later comment that Chat Rooms move at a strange pace and that option does not seem like a good fit either. As far as me personally on this forum site, I do not have a computer at home and so I only enter submissions in this site from a library computer two or maybe three times a day. Since you have made me aware of the time issues for you, I will attempt to react to you on a more regular basis if that is acceptable to you.

From Dustinthewind

Plus, my husband doesn't want me talking to my family or friends about it, so I've grown to be extremely isolated. The chat rooms are too difficult for me to follow and I'm such a slow typist that the topic has gone by once I am ready to contribute.

From St8arrow

Ditto for me on the Chat Rooms. I suppose all of us are guilty of this but it seems that nobody is willing to step up and admit that they have psychological problems that need medication. I personally think that the right kind of therapy by a person who is caring and empathic is of the utmost importance.

One psychiatrist stated that the talking therapies are useless. In fact he said that talking can actually make things worse. I wonder if he realized that he was admitting that talking therapies have value. The question becomes then, --- Does the person or Doctor doing the talking have the skill to help the `patient` rather than hinder him or her?

From Dustinthewind

Thank you for your feedback on the above. OI do so appreciate your time!!!

Thank you.

Posted: **Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:45 am**

I cannot express how much your thoughtful feedback means to me! You have been a lifesaver these last few days!

Shannon

Posted: **Thu Jul 05, 2012 10:08 am**

dustinthewind wrote:
I cannot express how much your thoughtful feedback means to me! You have been a lifesaver these last few days!

Shannon

If my wife read the above message she would ask you not to be so kind to me. She is the one who has to put up with me when compliments like you have given me make my head swell up so much that I have trouble getting through the front door of our apartment home. :-)

Ps.

Seriously though, --- thank you for your kind words.

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2012 6:53 pm**

A little oil of some kind should make it so your head can fit through the door :wink:

Apologies to your wife!

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2012 12:28 am**

A crowbar might work too

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2012 4:46 am**

All right you two girls, enough of the nonsense. :lol:

You know about 5 years ago my wife and I went up to the Collingwood area in Ontario. I think they are called the Blue Mountains, but they are actually part of the Niagara Escarpment.

There was an area where two large rocks were creating a small crevice between them which was called, --- Fat man's sorrow, --- or some such name. I'm in pretty good shape for my age and I should not have had any trouble going through there but instead I chickened out and went around the obstacle. I suppose it didn't help when the attendant told me if someone got stuck, they would use oil to get them out of there.

Anyway, who wants to solve some devastating psychological problem when one can wile away one's time with this kind of nonsense. But then again, maybe this kind of story isn't nonsense at all. Okay girls, let's see what kind of amateur psychologists you are. Why did I include this story???

Ps.

We are all amateur psychologists. Some of us are more amateur than others. The sad part of this whole scenario, is that some of those rampant amateurs actually have the right to call themselves psychologists.

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:33 am**

Allergies to oil? :wink:

The part where one may get stuck is in the skull region?
Getting stuck is should not be called "Fat Man's Sorrow", but "Foolish Man's Sorrow" (also, note no woman apparently had the problem)
Requesting photo for more accurate diagnosis. I can't really do my job without a full initial consultation. Warning this may be billed at an extraordinary rate ( just trying to be a true "psych!)

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:14 am**

dustinthewind wrote:
Allergies to oil?
The part where one may get stuck is in the skull region?
Getting stuck is should not be called "Fat Man's Sorrow", but "Foolish Man's Sorrow"

From St8arrow

I think it should have been called, --- Fat Woman's Sorrow. Actually I am not sure exactly what they named that silly obstacle.

From dustinthewind

(also, note no woman apparently had the problem)
Requesting photo for more accurate diagnosis. I can't really do my job without a full initial consultation. Warning this may be billed at an extraordinary rate ( just trying to be a true "psych!)

Sorry about the photo thing but I am not computer savvy enough to know how to do that. I could describe myself for you but my inbred shyness and modesty prevents me from doing so. :lol:

I will say that from the back my hair looks all right but from the front I am definitely, follically challenged.

In reference to your last comment, just recently I read the true story of Susan Polk who is now in a penitentiary in California for killing her psychologist husband. I wrote a letter to her telling her to threaten (and carry it through if necessary) to sue the psychology profession.

They allowed her husband Felix to continue to practice psychology for about 30 years after he himself had a break-down that they kept quiet. He subjected his wife to an endless series of psychological abuses. They first saw each other as patient and Doctor. She of course was the patient and at that time she was 16 years old.

He suggested using Hypnosis to bring out hidden truths. He gave her some kind of a drink which put her to sleep within a few minutes. She believes that he sexually abused her while she was under "hypnosis."

One of his sons thought that one of his Dad's patients might have killed him. I think the father, Felix, might have bragged to his son that he kept this "idiot" patient coming back to him for 35 years. Even at the time of his death, Felix was still seeing this guy (I think his last name in the book was Pyle.) twice a week. That in itself proves that his own personal economic well-being was far more important to good old boy Felix, then trying to help his patient. THIRTY FIVE YEARS!!!

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2012 5:05 pm**

Just when I thought this thread was taking a turn for the positive... :lol:

Posted: **Mon Jul 09, 2012 11:29 pm**

and here I thought my crowbar idea was GOOD!

Getting stuck between rocks is no joke for sure. It's pretty scary so perhaps there is a touch of claustrophobia in there?

That husband is unbelievable its scary who is allowed to enter the profession as a so called psychiatrist these days.

Depression Understood Forums

I hate me, my husband hates me...REALLY need some support

I hate me, my husband hates me...REALLY need some support

Re: I hate me, my husband hates me...REALLY need some suppor

Thank you!

Re: Thank you!

Again, thanks!

Re: Again, thanks!

Just use a little butter...