Depression Understood Forums

StillStanding4mykids wrote:
In the past hour I have felt myself get more and more irritable with the family. My family consists of my two children (son 12), (daughter 6) and my so called boyfriend. We have been together for over a year, and in the beginning, he was a great distraction from my husband.

From St8arrow

First of all, let me congratulate you on your screen name or nickname. I think it shows how special a Mother's love can be. I am 74 years old and happily married so I am hoping that you take the following advice from a "grandfathers" prospective.

Building a new relationship with someone who is considered a "distraction" isn't exactly a well known recipe for success. Sorry to be so blunt, but you want help and since you probably would like it to happen yesterday, there is no time for hinting at things such as that which I said above about a --- distraction.

From SS4myKids

My husband and I have been separated for about 3 years now. and before that...we cheated on each other regularly. I know its sick. I was finally at a point where i just couldn't fake it anymore. And in some ways i thought that my relationship with him...could have been the cause/root of my depression. We had been together since high school. Married 11 years. He is/was all I know.

From St8arrow

While I agree that your situation was something less than ideal, I am proud of you for deciding that you couldn't fake it anymore.

From SS4mykids

My boyfriend and I have been really distant lately. emotionally and physically. He says it is hard to be in the mood to touch me because I get so mean. So, I have been trying to keep my emotions in, scared that it will just make it another day of no hugs. I need hugs, alot. I need him to touch me, and rub my back. tell me he still loves me, regardless.

Am I asking for too much? Sometimes i feel like I should be alone rather than feel neglect, but that word scares the hell out of me...ALONE.

From St8arrow

No, you are not asking for too much. Have you any idea how many men would love to share their life with someone like you. Saying that you miss your first husband's smell is special. My first wife, who died at the age of 48, used to tell me that she would smell my clothes in the closet when I was gone. To a man, that is a special kind of compliment.

From SS4mykids

I keep hoping that things will get better once our financial situation turns around...and then maybe I will stop missing my soon to be ex husband. I hate missing him. I know he is not missing me and all my emotional drama. he probably feels so relieved and happy now....

I need someone to tell me how to go on...?

St8arrow wrote:

StillStanding4mykids wrote:
In the past hour I have felt myself get more and more irritable with the family. My family consists of my two children (son 12), (daughter 6) and my so called boyfriend. We have been together for over a year, and in the beginning, he was a great distraction from my husband.

From St8arrow

First of all, let me congratulate you on your screen name or nickname. I think it shows how special a Mother's love can be. I am 74 years old and happily married so I am hoping that you take the following advice from a "grandfathers" prospective.

Building a new relationship with someone who is considered a "distraction" isn't exactly a well known recipe for success. Sorry to be so blunt, but you want help and since you probably would like it to happen yesterday, there is no time for hinting at things such as that which I said above about a --- distraction.

From SS4myKids

My husband and I have been separated for about 3 years now. and before that...we cheated on each other regularly. I know its sick. I was finally at a point where i just couldn't fake it anymore. And in some ways i thought that my relationship with him...could have been the cause/root of my depression. We had been together since high school. Married 11 years. He is/was all I know.

From St8arrow

While I agree that your situation was something less than ideal, I am proud of you for deciding that you couldn't fake it anymore.

From SS4mykids

My boyfriend and I have been really distant lately. emotionally and physically. He says it is hard to be in the mood to touch me because I get so mean. So, I have been trying to keep my emotions in, scared that it will just make it another day of no hugs. I need hugs, alot. I need him to touch me, and rub my back. tell me he still loves me, regardless.

Am I asking for too much? Sometimes i feel like I should be alone rather than feel neglect, but that word scares the hell out of me...ALONE.

From St8arrow

No, you are not asking for too much. Have you any idea how many men would love to share their life with someone like you. Saying that you miss your first husband's smell is special. My first wife, who died at the age of 48, used to tell me that she would smell my clothes in the closet when I was gone. To a man, that is a special kind of compliment.

From SS4mykids

I keep hoping that things will get better once our financial situation turns around...and then maybe I will stop missing my soon to be ex husband. I hate missing him. I know he is not missing me and all my emotional drama. he probably feels so relieved and happy now....

I need someone to tell me how to go on...?

Come back in here and let us know what fears and failures that are causing you so much pain and all of us here will try our best to help you. You are not alone in these problems. Others have solved such problems and are living happy and contented lives
right now. Give us a chance to show you how to become one of them. Cheers for now and don't be a stranger. You are among friends.

StillStanding4mykids wrote:
It feels good to know people actually have lived through similar situations. I am glad you are happy now, i feel in my heart that you deserve it.

My "Distraction" and I have been trying to get through things. He told me that he wants to be there for me, but sometimes its overwhelming. He feels like he never makes me happy. I am not sure how to take that nor how to0 handle the kid thing. My kids are in love with him. They rarely see their dad because he has a new woman and her kids keep them busy.... I want to keep working at this because he is the first man to actually care enough to research and try to understand my issues...but there is still a lot of problems.

So...come on Gramps! what's your advice for today?

St8arrow wrote:

StillStanding4mykids wrote:
It feels good to know people actually have lived through similar situations. I am glad you are happy now, i feel in my heart that you deserve it.

My "Distraction" and I have been trying to get through things. He told me that he wants to be there for me, but sometimes its overwhelming. He feels like he never makes me happy. I am not sure how to take that nor how to0 handle the kid thing. My kids are in love with him. They rarely see their dad because he has a new woman and her kids keep them busy.... I want to keep working at this because he is the first man to actually care enough to research and try to understand my issues...but there is still a lot of problems.

So...come on Gramps! what's your advice for today?

Good for you, that's putting me on the spot isn't it. I do that to others and as they say, --- tit for tat. No subliminal sexual message intended. Especially from a 74 year old guy who isn't exactly Tom Cruise on Cruise Control. Incidentally, on my yahoo front page, there is a story about Tom and his lady getting a divorce. It sounds like the concepts of Scientology are at the root of the problem. At least for Tom's wife, whose name escapes me at this moment. Well, enough of my avoidance behavior, lets get back to your "spot" question.

___________________________________


That is more than nice of him, (your second husband) to want to be "there for you." The fact that your children love him is a delightful part of your relationship. I know my second wife of 15 years, --- ( my first wife died in 1978), --- and my 48 year old daughter get along with each other so well and it is one of my most cherished possessions to see them together. I tend to talk perhaps more than I should, (maybe write more than I should also.) Anyway, they sometimes ignore me when I interrupt them with some kind of silly humor and I love it.

I must say that I am impressed with the quotation at the bottom of each of your submissions. I also think that it might have something to do with your second husband's belief that --- "he (feels like he) never makes me happy." Your quotation follows:

"I just want to be loved, but I can't be loved if I don't love myself..."

That is profoundly true and if that is indeed the case, then it is extremely important for us to talk about why you don't love yourself. From my vantage point, there seems to be lots of goodness and caring in your personality, even if it is liberally sprinkled with other behavior that is less than ideal.

Okay young lady, I am proverbially off "the spot" and you are back on it. Let's hear what you have to say next.