A question about depression and changing your life.

[angryCat]

Does anyone else ever find it difficult to resolve their situation because when you confront things they become somewhat hyper-realistic.

If I just hide away and drown the negativity in a plethora of LOLCATS, movies, TV, games, and junk food then while it doesn't feel good a part from the laughs, etc. By directing my attention away from my problems it's easier than the despair of trying to resolve them.

I have found many times in the past that when I work to resolve things that they can feel worse for example if I get into a good lifestyle routine I sleep badly often waking up early (morning wakefulness) which means I feel drained during the day.

To me this defies logic, here I am working and relaxing my ass off taking it easy but focused and dedicated, eating healthy, exercising regularly, focusing on positives, meditating, doing things that feel good and it gives me sleep problems which create a sense of despair and a draining of energy occurs as the sleep problems get to me.

So I don't bother, I just hide away in my bubble of crap because I sleep better and if I'm tired or have no energy it doesn't matter because I didn't plan on doing anything anyway and I could just say it's because of my bad lifestyle.

How do you do it?

[MidnightGhost]

That sucks, I think many of us can relate to that, and how it just in the end makes us feel worse for NOT doing anything. Try to create a lifestyle routine, you actually like, enjoy, and can look forward too, despite you feeling bad. So, let's say if part of your routine is to work out, but you don't look forward to it, try and change it to something that you can look forward to doing it. Don't make things in your routine dreadful, make them as fun as watching movies you like, playing games you like, and eating foods you enjoy. So, when you think of doing your routine, you just won't be like, "Ahh, crap, I really don't feel like doing it... I'm never going to get out of this mess."

[angryCat]

Thank you for your reply MidnightGhost

The thing is that I do create an enjoyable routine and I like what I do and the food I eat but getting into the routine causes havoc on my sleep. I find I have to go to bed earlier but only to wake up even earlier each morning.

It just gets exhausting because I'm not able to get enough sleep.

[MidnightGhost]

No problem. Anyway, so what you're saying is, when you try and do a better routine, you sleep less? Is it because of your Job? Usually when this happens, it means you're trying to do too much in one day. I know how that's like, especially when there is important things you really want to get done, or need to get done.

[angryCat]

I wish that was the case because then I would gladly cut back to find where my limits are but I get plenty of rest and relaxation. I allow for around 8 hours sleep time but would wake up between 3-5 am every night.

It would get to the point where I would struggle to stay awake at night knowing that if I go to bed even earlier then it would just get worse because I would wake up even earlier.

[St8arrow]

--- By directing my attention away from my problems it's easier than the despair of trying to resolve them. I have found many times in the past that when I work to resolve things that they can feel worse---
for example if I get into a good lifestyle routine I sleep badly often waking up early (morning wakefulness) which means I feel drained during the day.

To me this defies logic, here I am working and relaxing my ass off taking it easy but focused and dedicated, eating healthy, exercising regularly, focusing on positives, meditating, doing things that feel good and it gives me sleep problems which create a sense of despair and a draining of energy occurs as the sleep problems get to me.

So I don't bother, I just hide away in my bubble of crap because I sleep better and if I'm tired or have no energy it doesn't matter because I didn't plan on doing anything anyway and I could just say it's because of my bad lifestyle.

How do you do it?

You are suffering from a fear of failure. Believe me you are not alone. In fact everyone must face this fear and react correctly to it. You wake up early because your brain is searching for a solution to your problems and since this scenario has resulted in things becoming even worse for you, --- you are feeling that it is all hopeless so why bother trying to understand it.

We can help you on this site. Don't add to your worries by worrying about not getting enough sleep. One way or the other, you have good enough habits to sleep when you need to and not waste time doing something that is less valuable to your over all good health.

Pick out an achievement that you are not succeeding at to the level that you would like to. Pick one that you haven't discussed with us so far and lets see if all of us can offer some kind of help to allow you to experience a higher level of success in that particular achievement than that which you are experiencing at this particular time.

Cheers to you for having the courage to come into this site and ask for help. Who knows, maybe we can live up to the expression that says: "Ask and you shall receive." At least we'll do our best to try to help you and in the process, we will be helping ourselves.

[angryCat]

Thank you for your reply St8arrow.

I think there is an element of truth to it being a fear of failure. I have managed to keep to a healthy routine for 3-4 months at one time just forcing myself to stick to it even though I was tired from the lack of sleep.

As you said it gets to the point where it feels hopeless. I felt I was doing my best but it didn't seem to be enough when I was at a loss as to what I could do. I've been aware of the sleep problem since 2005 now and each time I try to get into a new routine it drags me down again to the point now where I don't even try anymore because I already know what will happen.

An achievement that bothers me is with exercise. I would exercise every morning for about 30 - 40 minutes. I would push myself to as much as I could without over doing it and yet I had nothing to show for it. I used to time myself HIIT running and over a period of months there was no significant change between my first time and my latest time.

I am familiar with the "The map is not the territory" concept and I believe this is a factor in the situation. I'm not meeting the expectations I had in mind. Do I accept that maybe I just don't respond to exercise well? which it's been proven some people don't. That is very discouraging though. When you've been exercising for months and you're still struggling to run the same route you start to wonder what the point is because it loses it's appeal as well.

It feels like painting a room then waking up the next morning to find it as it was before you painted it again then painting it again in a continuous cycle.

At least we'll do our best to try to help you and in the process, we will be helping ourselves.

Are you familiar with the concept of non duality? That's what this quote of yours reminds me of.

[MidnightGhost]

Do you have solid goals?

Edit, to add--

By the way I know about the sleep thing, and not having energy to do jack. For the past four years and a half, if not longer, I only get 4-6 hours of sleep. o_O

[St8arrow]

Thank you for your reply St8arrow.

I think there is an element of truth to it being a fear of failure. I have managed to keep to a healthy routine for 3-4 months at one time just forcing myself to stick to it even though I was tired from the lack of sleep.

From St8arrow

But getting enough sleep is part of the healthy routine that you want to achieve and more power to you for your efforts. Take another look at your "healthy routine" and decide which part of that routine is the least beneficial and stop doing it in favor of more sleep.

This is indeed not a simple situation. Currently I also am not getting my proper sleep. Partly that is due to the sense of value that I feel for my efforts to help others such as you. It is as if I cannot wait to get on this site again.

I only use library computers for my time on the internet. There are a number of reasons for this, one of which is to save money. Perhaps just as importantly, is the belief that I will make better use of my limited time on the internet if I confine my time as outlined above.

You have displayed a good level of understanding in your submissions. I believe that you will take my personal comments listed above and find the similarities to your own situation. That is, you will make better use of your time to be successful in your very important achievement of keeping yourself as healthy as you can. YOU are the best one to know where those changes should be made.

From Angry Cat

It feels like painting a room then waking up the next morning to find it as it was before you painted it again then painting it again in a continuous cycle.

From St8arrow

What a perfect way to describe your problem. They say that when a problem is well stated it is half solved. If that is true you are already half way there to solving your problems. Now, --- for the other half.

At least we'll do our best to try to help you and in the process, we will be helping ourselves.

Are you familiar with the concept of non duality? That's what this quote of yours reminds me of.

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You must have a University degree. (which I don't) While I have heard of the concept of non duality, I wouldn't know how to use it properly in a sentence.

While I do not have any recognized University degree, I am 74 years old and I have spent a great deal of my life reading about psychology. I believe that I have distilled a certain level of knowledge about this subject as a result of the books that brilliant men and women wrote about this subject. I was lucky enough to be able to come into contact with them through their books and the incredible library system throughout all of North America. I am from southern Canada.