I feel lonely and depressed

[Ahsoka23]

For the past 2 months I have felt lonely and deeply depressed. After my breakup with my boyfriend, I was kicked out of his home and I moved to his friend's place. Actually his friend owns a hotel and let me stay for a charge of course however the cost of living there has become difficult for me. And now he is kicking me out. So now I am looking for a place to stay. Mind you I am in a foreign country. I feel abandoned, trapped and alone. I have had many thoughts of suicide. I just don't want to live anymore. I have no one to confide in, hence the reason why I am making this post in this forum. I feel as though I have no way out. I have tried to be optimistic about things, but I feel that I have no help, not one person. I have never felt this depressed before and now I am thinking of ending it, I don't want to live like this anymore. Anyway, thank you for letting me express myself and thank you for not judging me.

[MidnightGhost]

"I feel abandoned, trapped and alone."

Because you are those things, so it's okay to feel that. But keep going. It's just a bad time right now for you, very bad. But each of those things, has solutions, I'm a honest person, I'd tell you if they didn't. I just don't like to tell people, what they want to hear, even if it means they might hate me for it. Anyways, take things one day at a time, one step at a time, focus on one thing at a time. You have a lot on your plate, if you dish it out to yourself like one huge all you can eat dinner, you'll be overwhelmed. Another thing, don't do nothing foolish, like trust the wrong person, some times when we're at our weakest, we tend to take bad risks, so remember to be careful. Certain people out there prey on the weak, they look for them. Anyways, so will you have a place to stay, or will you be going homeless?

[Ahsoka23]

Thank you Midnight Ghost. I am taking it one day at a time. I just cant stop crying. I am looking for another place to stay. And I am looking for more work. I am trying to start a new life in Germany. It's my decision and no one is coercing me, like last time. I just want to be free of this mess. It's difficult when you dont have anyone to confide in. This sucks.

[MidnightGhost]

No problem, I'm glad to offer you some feed back. That's good, that you still have a place to go, and are taking things slowly, it's important. Anyways, it's fine to cry, doesn't mean you're weak. I know it's hard, but if you can, just try and focus on not having any one to confide to, as something that's just temporary. Like a bruise, it'll go away. And keep reassuring yourself, you'll make it to germany, and picture how things will be when you're there.

Negativity is you doubting yourself, and doubt stems from fear, in this case, the negative monster is occurring because you're probably afraid you won't make it to where you want, or in time, but what really matters is going towards it, that is a purpose in itself to go on, and when you have that on your side, it makes it difficult to have doubt, and you begin seeing negativity as useless, and as the only real enemy. Thrive on positivity, as much as possible, you will have your fears/doubts, but keep reminding yourself not to take them seriously. An easy way to thrive on positivity, is to focus on the things you want most, focus on how much you enjoy those things. And realize, the more you want something, the stronger that makes you.

[Ahsoka23]

Thanks again for the reply. I don't have much of a support system here so it's to get some good advice even if it from someone I have never met. Some days it just seems so difficult to get out of bed and deal with life's daily activities. And you are right, I am afraid, I am afraid that I will be out on the street homeless and alone and will have no one to help me. I am afraid that I will never get to Germany and I will be poor for the rest of my life. I try everyday to focus on the positive, sometimes it gets so difficult. But I try everyday.

[MidnightGhost]

Sounds like you're doing the best you can already, so don't beat yourself up over it, for having down times. It's a bad time. Just keep doing things this way, and don't fall completely over the edge. Take things one step at a time, until you do go homeless, try not to worry too too much about it, because it hasn't happened yet. And who knows, you never know how it could work, what if you did go homeless but some weird occurance happens
that you never would've thought of, and some one helps you, or something like that. You never know. So, even though it is a "what if" time, that's realistic, if you can, think about positive what if's.

Edit, to add..
Sorry if I sound condescending in any way, I know how difficult it can be, I just had one of my lows the other night...