Depression Understood Forums

I had a scary thought last night. I will not live to be old, but at some point I will more than likely die at my own hand. Why do I say this? Because when I feel depressed, I push my wife away, she hurts and gets angry at me (I don't tell her it's the depression). I take the tablets to stop the depression, which makes me forget things, which she gets angry at me about. I feel down at work, which makes me seem grumpy. My wife says I'm too grumpy. She knows I suffer, but one day she will have had enough of me, and she will leave me. When she does, I will know it's my fault and I will self destruct. Otherwise, she will use words to hurt me, and she can, which will make me want to turn out the lights. That is why I had the scary thought. Not that death scares me at all, but what does scare me is I can't do a damn thing to prevent it.

I just wish I could be happy with life. Ah well, maybe tomorrow I'll feel better, but I doubt it. I will continue to live, upsetting those around me and being generally miserable. I'll have the odd flash of happiness, but I'll end up doing something to ruin it.

Hi Netman

Sorry you are going through this. Maybe you should tell her its the depression? Have you talked to your doctor about your concerns with this medicine?

You're wife loves you, and shes there for better or worse. But it can be hard to see people we care for struggling and unable to do anything about it.

You can prevent it, you can do therapy, talk to your doctor about a different med, things like that.

holly