So easy to go in and out of depression (symptoms) ?
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:27 pm
Hello everyone!
I have 3 decades of living with depression and have been medicated for most of this time.
What has become so much more apparent to me in the last few years is how my brain can go from feeling OK or even good to full blown depression symptoms in an extremely short period of time and out of also in a short period of time. When I say full blown, I mean the all-consuming darkness accompanied with physical manifestations. I'm sure most of you know how this is not just feeling sad or blue!
For me there is at least one definite trigger and relief therefore my depression must be highly reactive. As much pain as this causes me I also feel some hope because this suggests to me that there must be a learnable relief method that I can apply. It means that there may be a way I can "get myself out." It's really as simple as this; if I feel intimately/romantically connected with someone (not necessarily even dating,) and it goes awry then BOOM, instant pain and by the next day, all symptoms of depression! If I start talking to that person again then within a short period of time I am relieved. Complete emotional dependence! The severity of the "crash" depends on the level of connectedness, and over how much time. Someone I have maybe talked to daily for weeks might take me to a place where I can't sleep, eat, take pleasure in anything etc. etc., whereas a failed 1yr+ relationship can bring me to months of constant suicidal depression. Again I see hope here because if the "drug" (emotional dependence) on the person is reignited then it does for me what no prescription has been able to. I must be able to summon this from a healthy source (and perhaps if I learn that then I might not find myself so emotionally dependent again?)
I'm guessing (assuming I get any) common response here is going to be that I need to look within. I have started so many books of this nature though and drop them for various reasons.
Thanks for any thoughts/experiences!
I have 3 decades of living with depression and have been medicated for most of this time.
What has become so much more apparent to me in the last few years is how my brain can go from feeling OK or even good to full blown depression symptoms in an extremely short period of time and out of also in a short period of time. When I say full blown, I mean the all-consuming darkness accompanied with physical manifestations. I'm sure most of you know how this is not just feeling sad or blue!
For me there is at least one definite trigger and relief therefore my depression must be highly reactive. As much pain as this causes me I also feel some hope because this suggests to me that there must be a learnable relief method that I can apply. It means that there may be a way I can "get myself out." It's really as simple as this; if I feel intimately/romantically connected with someone (not necessarily even dating,) and it goes awry then BOOM, instant pain and by the next day, all symptoms of depression! If I start talking to that person again then within a short period of time I am relieved. Complete emotional dependence! The severity of the "crash" depends on the level of connectedness, and over how much time. Someone I have maybe talked to daily for weeks might take me to a place where I can't sleep, eat, take pleasure in anything etc. etc., whereas a failed 1yr+ relationship can bring me to months of constant suicidal depression. Again I see hope here because if the "drug" (emotional dependence) on the person is reignited then it does for me what no prescription has been able to. I must be able to summon this from a healthy source (and perhaps if I learn that then I might not find myself so emotionally dependent again?)
I'm guessing (assuming I get any) common response here is going to be that I need to look within. I have started so many books of this nature though and drop them for various reasons.
Thanks for any thoughts/experiences!