Living with it

[sweetheart05]

I was diagnoised when I was 12 years old with depression. not knowing that when I turned 22 it would get a whole lot worse. Doctors diagnoised me with sever depression and anxity. I started have night terrors and not sleeping at all. This all came after my spouse deployed to Iraq for the 2 time. Now I am going through divorce and working full time and being a single mom to a baby girl. But now I have also started dating a great guy and for the first 3 months I didnt feel as depressed as I use too. But now that my child and I have moved in its a whole nother story. I am learning more and more about him and things are starting to change. Such as: we use to go out all the time and no we havent had a date since october. I am always planning things but he ends up getting busy and i lose my babysitter or something always comes up. Like he is avoiding going out with me but its ok for me to live with him but us not going out. I see a problem there. He makes plans for us but it always involves my daughter. I would like time allow with him without my child around. I am also starting to see the same patterns that caused my divorce in the first place and I confront him and he lies about it. Ive always told him not to lie about anything because it will get worse.

I just want this feeling to go away. On top of all of this. I was diagnoised with PCOS July of 2009. 3 months after marriage. I was told by at least 5 doctors that I can not have any more children. This caused my marriage to fail and my depression to get worse. Now my boyfriend is 31 and wanting another baby because he gets too old to have more child. I have 1 and he has 1 (12) and I feel bad because I was always told I can not have more. Now our fears have been confirmed just this past month. They have found cyst and that was my worst feeling. I never had any problems until after my daughter was born. Now I am 24 and cant have more children. Really feel this is wrong but also God put us in the situation for a reason. At least we have each other.

Sorry to be venting but a lot has happened.