Depression Understood Forums

I'm constantly being pulled in two directions simultaneously. I am not going to kill myself, but I always seem to have death on my mind. Part of me wants to drop dead, but then I think about my loved ones --- my beautiful wife, and two beautiful sons who are ages 9 and 5, and how it would impact them living without me. I can't and won't do that to them, but these feelings are like a car in drive with the brakes applied at the same time, and the conflict is like the smoke from the spinning, screeching tires.

I try giving some hints to my friends so I can open up with them about how I am hurting, but they just aren't noticing it and I feel that it's so obvious that I'm "screaming" for a need to talk just to get it off my chest. I will not beg for their attention, but all I want is to release some steam from my "emotional pressure valve".

((((((((((((( Eric )))))))))))))))))

Hopefully typing here provides you some 'venting'. We listen and understand those feelings you are dealing with.

Warmie