Loved one with depression?
Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:40 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend of 4 years has not been acting himself for the past several months. This behavior occured before, but moreso after, the death of someone he knew, plus life changes such as getting his first full time job, leaving his friends, and figuring out how to get a place of his own. He has definately changed from how he used to act and treat me. The romance is gone, and I feel like a friend now. I had a long talk with him last night and he told me he feels apathy toward everthing in his life right now...he doesn't even enjoy spending time with friends anymore. He said nothing was my fault, he still loves and cares for me, and he said it's his fault for how he's been acting and he doesn't know what caused it or how to feel better. I can't do anything either, I've tried putting extra effort into the relationship and that doesn't help. He said he feels lost. When I first dated him he was very strong, sure of himself, and now that's changed. I do NOT want to break up with him and he doesn't want to break up either...I honestly thought after a few months he would be better...now I feel like if I don't want to leave him, but still be happy, I have to wait indefinately until this maybe clears up on its own. I suggested counseling etc, and he may consider it, maybe not. But I don't even know if this is true depression--I don't want to sound offensive either but could it be laziness? I just don't think so because he doesn't even enjoy his friends' company anymore. I feel like I need to tell him that I will be here for him, not leave him (how could I do that after 4 years), but in order for this to work he needs to get help he needs, and to let people help him. I am not happy right now. I want to be happy again having him as my boyfriend. So it will be hard waiting for him. Oh, I'm so confused as to what to do. I really want him to see someone so he can be diagnosed and treated if it is in fact depression. I wonder if depression runs in his family...I wonder if I should ask his mom, but I don't want to upset him by doing that. Please offer opinions and advice. Thank you.
My boyfriend of 4 years has not been acting himself for the past several months. This behavior occured before, but moreso after, the death of someone he knew, plus life changes such as getting his first full time job, leaving his friends, and figuring out how to get a place of his own. He has definately changed from how he used to act and treat me. The romance is gone, and I feel like a friend now. I had a long talk with him last night and he told me he feels apathy toward everthing in his life right now...he doesn't even enjoy spending time with friends anymore. He said nothing was my fault, he still loves and cares for me, and he said it's his fault for how he's been acting and he doesn't know what caused it or how to feel better. I can't do anything either, I've tried putting extra effort into the relationship and that doesn't help. He said he feels lost. When I first dated him he was very strong, sure of himself, and now that's changed. I do NOT want to break up with him and he doesn't want to break up either...I honestly thought after a few months he would be better...now I feel like if I don't want to leave him, but still be happy, I have to wait indefinately until this maybe clears up on its own. I suggested counseling etc, and he may consider it, maybe not. But I don't even know if this is true depression--I don't want to sound offensive either but could it be laziness? I just don't think so because he doesn't even enjoy his friends' company anymore. I feel like I need to tell him that I will be here for him, not leave him (how could I do that after 4 years), but in order for this to work he needs to get help he needs, and to let people help him. I am not happy right now. I want to be happy again having him as my boyfriend. So it will be hard waiting for him. Oh, I'm so confused as to what to do. I really want him to see someone so he can be diagnosed and treated if it is in fact depression. I wonder if depression runs in his family...I wonder if I should ask his mom, but I don't want to upset him by doing that. Please offer opinions and advice. Thank you.
