Loved one with depression?

[jaykay]

Hello,
My boyfriend of 4 years has not been acting himself for the past several months. This behavior occured before, but moreso after, the death of someone he knew, plus life changes such as getting his first full time job, leaving his friends, and figuring out how to get a place of his own. He has definately changed from how he used to act and treat me. The romance is gone, and I feel like a friend now. I had a long talk with him last night and he told me he feels apathy toward everthing in his life right now...he doesn't even enjoy spending time with friends anymore. He said nothing was my fault, he still loves and cares for me, and he said it's his fault for how he's been acting and he doesn't know what caused it or how to feel better. I can't do anything either, I've tried putting extra effort into the relationship and that doesn't help. He said he feels lost. When I first dated him he was very strong, sure of himself, and now that's changed. I do NOT want to break up with him and he doesn't want to break up either...I honestly thought after a few months he would be better...now I feel like if I don't want to leave him, but still be happy, I have to wait indefinately until this maybe clears up on its own. I suggested counseling etc, and he may consider it, maybe not. But I don't even know if this is true depression--I don't want to sound offensive either but could it be laziness? I just don't think so because he doesn't even enjoy his friends' company anymore. I feel like I need to tell him that I will be here for him, not leave him (how could I do that after 4 years), but in order for this to work he needs to get help he needs, and to let people help him. I am not happy right now. I want to be happy again having him as my boyfriend. So it will be hard waiting for him. Oh, I'm so confused as to what to do. I really want him to see someone so he can be diagnosed and treated if it is in fact depression. I wonder if depression runs in his family...I wonder if I should ask his mom, but I don't want to upset him by doing that. Please offer opinions and advice. Thank you.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Welcome jaykay,

Can understand your confusion with this.

Only thing I could type is for you is to encourage him to see a professional. For if he is in fact suffering with depression, that would be the right direction to go. Can make a world of difference to know what the problem is and the correct treatment for it.

A death can cause a person to feel and deal with depression. Plus the changes in his life, job, moving, etc. also can play a major part of his emotions right now. Lot coming at him all at the same time.

Talking with his mother, I personally would not do it. My thinking is he is just now trying to start his own life, outside of living with parents. Should he be the one to discuss this with them? Just a thought.

Welcome to the forum jaykay, hope to post with you more in the future.

Take care of yourself as well. It is honorable that you care as you do about your boyfriend, just don't forget you in all of it.

Warmie

[ButterflyKisses]

Welcome Jaykay!

What a wonderful woman you are to be standing by your man at a time like this. Thats what an important part of a relationship is, lifting up your partner when they are down. You are his rock right now. I'm sure its comforting for him to know your not leaving him now, when the times are rough mentally.

I agree with everything Jeanie says. He has to get help. It might be as simple as the counselor, but it might be something more seriouse too. Only a Doc/counselor will be able to determine that.

Keep standing by him, and yes, take care of yourself as well. ((hugs))

[Stephen]

Hi Jaykay, and welcome to the depression forums.

I can but only really agree with what's been written above.

From all you've described -- in my humble opinion -- they are all very typical symptoms of depression. Your description of your partner's change in behaviour is almost a text book perfect definition of depression.

I'm so glad you're trying to be there for him. I think the best advice has already been given, but to repeat: please try and encourage him to see your family doctor. There are many different treatments for depression these days, and it need not be a life sentence.

I wish you both well... and I hope that we'll learn some positive news about how your partner is doing soon.

Stephen