Depression Understood Forums

If you have/had depression, do/did you have this feeling of "wanting" to feel bad?

Probably a good question for the doctor, but i always wonder if other people feel like this sometimes. im not saying its right, because it definitely isn't, but there is a part of me that feels so good to feel so bad, if that makes any sense. like the way it does to get your fix. or so i would imagine. i've never done drugs or moked or been an alcoholic so i wouldn't know, but it feels pretty insane. so i wondered if maybe there is a chemical in the brain or something that there is more of when you're depressed that you can become addicted to. because i can feel that little piece in the back of my brain that always encourages that self destructive behavior, and that is always so unhappy when i am trying to enjoy myself, yet seems so content when i am at my lowest. and i wonder if maybe thats what depression is. idk. its just one of many things ive thought about a lot.

I've had similar feelings and have thought somewhat the same thing. Not so much that it's addicting but that it's what you are use to and familiar with so you feel content at your worst.
When I'm happy or enjoying myself I feel anxious or really nervous. But when depression kicks in or anger I have accepted and know the feeling so well, that I feel content with it and can... i guess enjoy the familiar feeling.
I kind of see it like, nothing in life is gauranteed but that feeling. Because I know it will come again.
But I know this is wrong as well, and it is something I will ask my doctor about. Thank you for posting this =)

thanks for replying it feels good to know im not alone

To your post title question: Can depression itself be addicting? Possibly. Probably so. Maybe

To if I wanted to feel bad, my answer is 'no'. I often felt physically bad. I didn't even know what was wrong & that drove me up the wall! Sometimes, I thought maybe I wanted to feel miserable.... because it didn't matter what happened I just couldn't be 'happy' or 'happy' for long. Maybe that's what you mean?

Dodging the depression bullet is like dancing or playing [a real life] video game [with real life consequences] . For me, it's sort of like being a real life Indiana Jones or Lara Croft with lots of adventures/quests ahead for me to tackle.

That's what's helping me beat it/cope with it, in some kind of way.

That's a good question. I don't think/havn't heard of a chemical in the brain that increases during states of depression but ones like dopamine and seratonin do change/decrease in some cases. I think BXD23 is right that it's possible to get accustomed to the "familiar feeling" and to not be motivated to try to change it, "better the devil you know" sort of thing. What you say about the "little piece in the back of my brain" "encourages that self destructive behavior" sounds more like cognitive thought processes than a chemical thing and CBT could help with that. Then again thought processes can affect/ be affected by the chemical balance in the brain so it might be a feedback loop???
If anyone does ask their Doc/therapist about this I'ld love to know what they say.

WOMBLE

in reply to crystal gaze, i definitely do get that where its like i can rarely be happy or ever be happy for any solid amount of time, but it is different from what i meant :/ however, i did not meant to imply that there isn't some part of me that wants to get better because ther most definitely is, a huge part of me would give the world to get better. that's why i feel so confused :/ i brought it up at my appt this week. she said it seemed that i was feeling guilt, like i felt i didn't deserve to be happy. she nailed it. i even feel good when i feel bad because it feels like thats what is right and fair. like i am in my proper place. (i dont feel wrong when im happy however because i purposely block out all the parts of my mind that aren't absolutely necessary to function and live in the moment.)

Don't you wish we could turn the negative of depression to a positive? How grand life would be.

Just a thought.

Warmie

I haven't had any thoughts like that. It's defiantly not a good thing. It would be good to see someone about this. That's just my opinion. Maybe it help or not?

I don't believe depression is addicting. However, we do tend to become compacent in our depression. It's familiar. We know how to deal with it. We know what is going on with it. That complacancy is habit forming. This is a battle we are fighting and sometimes we forget to fight it. But we have to keep fighting. This is one battle worth winning.

I think it's an interesting question, one that I've asked myself many times.. Not because I thrive on being unhappy but because I have a bad-day diary in which I often debate stuff. One time I wrote "Complete misery is better then now and then happiness, at least then you can get a grip". Sometimes when I feel better, I start believing that I'm tricking myself to be happy, that my situation has not changed, hence there is no point in continuing to feel better, because it's a lie I tell myself.

bubbaloolu wrote:If you have/had depression, do/did you have this feeling of "wanting" to feel bad?

Probably a good question for the doctor, but i always wonder if other people feel like this sometimes. im not saying its right, because it definitely isn't, but there is a part of me that feels so good to feel so bad, if that makes any sense. like the way it does to get your fix. or so i would imagine. i've never done drugs or moked or been an alcoholic so i wouldn't know, but it feels pretty insane. so i wondered if maybe there is a chemical in the brain or something that there is more of when you're depressed that you can become addicted to. because i can feel that little piece in the back of my brain that always encourages that self destructive behavior, and that is always so unhappy when i am trying to enjoy myself, yet seems so content when i am at my lowest. and i wonder if maybe thats what depression is. idk. its just one of many things ive thought about a lot.

Yes it is a good question for a doctor. Have you been to one yet? The longer you delay that the worse your condition is likely to get.

No it doesn't make sense at all I'm afraid. Maybe it's something like guilt, where you feel you need to punished and thus feel good when you are punished. That's normal, strangely so but very common. We like to make ourselves feel bad if we have done that to others, deliberately or not.

No, there is no chemical that causes that, just your memory. That feeling of self destrctiveness is simply a symptom of depression. An expression of badly you feel about yourself. It's valid if you believe it and your thoughts are constantly telling you that you are worthless, useless, have no future and all the rest.

Basically it is our brain telling us we don't deserve to feel good so we change our feelings and feel bad. It's all in the thought process.

But why you feel that way is the issue. Solving and fixing that is your goal and you won't do that if you don't see a doctor, preferably a shrink. Baisc doctors try very hard but they can't know everything about all illnesses and if someone goes to them and says "I'm depressed" they will believe you and prescribe meds. A shrink will take time to find out for sure what it is and that isn't always first session.

No, there's nothing to do with addiction involved with depression. That's like asking if you can get addicted to having a broken leg. It's just not relevant.

I do though understand the feeling of being content when at your lowest. I don't because my lowest is so terrible I want to do anything to get out of it. But feeling stable, although still depressed I am certainly content with as it's so scary down there.

I'd suggest it happens to people who've had it for a long time. I've had it longer than most here have been alive and, frankly, I no longer know what "normal" is supposed to be. How I am now is normal and satisfactory for me. It's not how I should have been but I'm at peace, have no fear or anxiety and laugh and joke whenever I can.

I think you're talking about a comfort zone. Once you're there you know it can't get any worse so it's OK.

I hope this sounds OK to you. I may be on the wrong train etc but at least you'll get an idea of how it is for me. Lowest is NOT an option as it's living hell.

I partly agree that depression is addictive... my theory is that once you've been depressed long enough, you forget how to be happy, how to feel good.
And when you've gotten that far you don't know how to feel anything different, and if you do get a happy feeling it feels strange, you feel discomfort and try to push it away.
Atleast thats somewhat how it is for me.

Well said Kiku.