New here, having a difficult day

[blues36]

I am having a difficult time accepting the failures of my life and finding a path to a new, scaled-back future.

I was basically forced out of my job by unrealistic management in march.
No more than a few weeks out of the job my mother had a heart attack. I spent a month and a half with my mother before she passed away. After her passing I was knocked down with grief. I spent a couple of months ruminating and not even looking to move on with my life. I am still reeling from the loss, but have been fairly functional the past couple of months.

I have no husband or boyfriend, very few friends. It is unlikely that my career will resume and it is extremely difficult to even land an interview for a simple retail job. I have an unnatural fear of growing old alone. I ache to think I will never have a child or husband.

I have turned to my creative side to sustain me through this period, but it feels self-indulgent and I don't think I will have an opportunity to share this art or make anything of it other than a diversion from my mental state.

I feel I have failed in every aspect of my life and I do not have the energy to get back on track. I feel all of my efforts are futile and I can't face a future of this isolation and lack of purpose.

I am taking supplements, exercising and going to depression support groups. I have tried to get out and meet people, interview, etc. all with disappointing results. I'm losing the energy even to do these simple things, as I have no proof that things can or will get better.

I don't exactly have a question, I just wanted to share and see if anyone else has turned their life around after falling into such a trap.

[crystalgaze]

Hello there! I don't know where to start exactly....

About the husband/boyfriend, it will come in time. You'll find someone or someone will find you when the time is right. (I don't know how old you are, so I don't know how fast your biological clock is ticking.)

Regarding the failures of your life, this will probably be cliche but there's nothing you can do about it. Give yourself a hug. There are 2 things you can do, as far as I see it. You can let it go or you can revisit what you wanted to do but with a different strategy. (However, I don't know what it is you 'failed' at or what it is you want to do.)

How I view failure is like this:

"I failed.... Okay, well, I failed. So what I failed?! Who hasn't failed at something?! My life isn't over, so I CAN DO IT AGAIN, even if it will take a while to get there.

I failed.... Well, okay, I can just try to do better in the future.... "


I really just try to let it run off of me like water. I really try to start each day afresh. No living in the past because it won't do me any good. I can learn from it, sure, but by living in it, I miss out on the here + now.

Please DO NOT feel guilty about turning to your creative side. If it is helping you, it's all good. You're not harming yourself or going out & harming anyone else. (You're not painting with your blood or something like that right?)

Now, I'll ask you: Did you really fail in every aspect of your life? You mean there wasn't even something in your childhood, even if it is 1 thing or 1 time, in which you did well (whether it was for yourself or someone else or for an animal, however small or great)? I'm sure you did something nice for your Mom you cherished? (I'll take the time to say it now: I'm sorry for your loss.)

Don't give up on yourself! Don't let the disappointments get you down because you know what? If Z company doesn't want you, IT'S THEIR LOSS! SCREW THEM! You know why you can have that attitude? It's because you have a dream: to not be alone, to have a child/children + a husband. Don't let this hurdle stand in your way. Use your dream to help renew you.

That's all for now. Please take care! Sorry if I got carried away a bit! (Hopefully, something I've written here was encouraging 'cause that was the point.)

[AzGirl]

Hello,
I am sorry for your lost....I can't began to imagine how much it sucks.

I can't give any real words of wisdom, or encouragement. Other than some advice that you might try. You spoke of your art (it sounds like you love it very much ) and your wish to share it with the world. Maybe instead of sharing the art itself, share your passion for art? Maybe this knock down of not finding a job is opening a door to follow your passion for art? I do not know if this is something you would be interested in, but maybe think about volunteering someplace and use your passion for art.

I hope you the best!
AzGirl