Wedding Showers and such

[Monty]

Thanks so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.

I like the idea of having someone take care of me for a bit. It seems that I have been in this role for so long, the caregiver that I don't even know if I can accept help.

I went to my pdoc yesterday and we did come up with, sort of, a plan. I am taking a very dangerous road in limiting my food and liquid intake. He said (what I already knew) that it is the self-loathing bearing it's ugly head again.

I did tell him that I would make sure that I drink. I am hoping that I will follow through with that because I don't want to get dehydrated. I have had a sore throat for many weeks now because I haven't been drinking enough.

The food problem has also taken another twist. Now it is not just that I don't eat, it is that I can't. Getting to the point that I have to stop or else I will lose whatever is on my stomach.

I can get up to 4 hours of respite care for mom a week. That is just not enough. I need to have time away from her. My pdoc did say that he would write a medical note, if I needed one, to get more time off.

My kid's dad is coming into town tomorrow. We are supposed to spend part of the afternoon together and then go out for supper. He has changed a lot since we separated (plus I think being 1000kms away from each other doesn't hurt). He is involved with another woman. She is a nice person. I am glad that they have each other.

Well I think that I am going to go out and try to have something to eat before lunch time gets here.

Hope all is going well with everyone. Thanks again for all your support. It really does make a difference to me. You guys make me feel like I am a reasonably decent person which I haven't felt often in my life.

[lisalou]

hi again monty, i really hope you do get to have more help with caring for your mother, caring for someone full-time is very draining no matter how much you love them and it sounds like you really deserve some 'you' time. if you are struggling to eat, perhaps you could try having some smoothies or soup or blend some banana and milk together to make your own nutritious milkshake? would help prevent dehydration too. maybe try sucking lozenges for your sore throat and to keep your mouth moist? try not to listen to the self-loathing thoughts that say you don't deserve self-care...

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

try to do whatever you can for yourself to feel even a little better, you always write so kindly to everyone else and speak so lovingly about your family that i am convinced you are a very 'reasonably decent' person indeed!

take care

Lisa x

[Mich]

Hi Monty - I am concerned about your not eating and drinking. I do this also as a form of self loathing. The not drinking can be very dangerous so I am glad you have committed to drinking liquids. I ended up in hospital once because I did not drink for an extended period of time. It is really critical to drink. I have a great deal of trouble eating but one thing that I can eat is a banana smoothie which I make at home: banana, some vanilla yogourt and milk. It is so nice and smooth and it is something I can manage. Please try to remember that starvation makes depression worse so if there is any way at all that you can get something down, please do. I hope this did not come across as preachy. I am thinking of you and worried about your health. Please take care.

[xn728]

i always miss you monty ,never here when you post ,im glad to see you here ,i know your not good just now ,but remmember i always think about you my dear freind ,im not gonna say much now ,im having trouble with my words ,forgive me ,but stay strong monty ,,,,stay strong ,,,,ken

[aim]

Drink Drink Monty girl!!! Dehydrating yourself will only make you feel worse! I know it's hard to do much when you are depressed, but please drink water at least, ok?

I'm sorry that I have not been around... not much to add to that but that I'm truly sorry.

(((((((((((MONTY GIRL)))))))))))))))) Keep the faith, my friend. We are all here listening, supporting and praying for you...

[Monty]

The pdoc appointment went not too badly. I told him that things seemed to be at the same place as they were last time I saw him.

I tried to tell him all that was one my mind, as it was I went 20 minutes over my time. I suppose it was him who decided how long the appointment lasted.

I am supposed to see him in two months, rather than the usual 4. Hopefully will be able to keep up on things.

[blueisgreen]

Hi Monty,
I'm glad your appointment went well and that the professional you are seeing was able to give you more valuable added time and a quicker follow up appointment.
I hope that you are able to drink those smoothies or something to keep you hydrated. I find sipping warm green tea mixed with honey is very helpful.
Hang in there.

[xn728]

monty ive missed you glad you had some time to talk at your appt
cant say much ,just glad you were here ,,stay safe dear freind ,,,,,,,ken

[shatteredhopes]

((((((((((((((Monty))))))))))))) Being a caregiver is very, very taxing and stressful...I watched my mom deteriorate caring for father with Alzheimer's and although my sister and I tried to give her as much respite time as possible, it was hard on all of us, especially her. That would be great if your doc can get you some extra help, even a sitter so you could go get a cup of coffee and newspaper or magazine and just relax away from home for awhile.

I am glad your doc is gunna see you in 2 months. You are a wonderful person, the self-loathing is probably rearing its ugly head because you are over-stressed being a caregiver. Even though you love your mom, you need to be able to take care of yourself first in order to give to her, as you know.

I hope someone could help you even to get away an extra hour or two a week just for some you time. Pamper yourself in any way you can whenever you can. I hope you can work out the eating and drinking. I know I get where sometimes I cannot eat, then sometimes that's all I do is stuff my face trying to comfort myself. Its either all or nothing for me. Juice and smoothies sound like a good idea. Herbal teas and water with lemon will make you crave more water...

Worried about you. Hope you can do some special things to treat yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wishing you light and peace in your day...

[Monty]

Thanks for everyone's kind thoughts.

I seem to be just trying to get up in the morning and not kill anyone before I go to bed. That is really not too much of an exaggeration.

I am drinking and eating a little bit more. That also seems to be causing problems with my gut. I went to my doctor yesterday and he sent me for a full battery of blood tests.

Also is thinking that he might send be for an ultrasound. At times I am in such pain in my belly, that I am almost in tears.

Went away for a few days last weekend and enjoyed myself. Unfortunately whenever I go away, I note a deterioration in mom when I get back.
It was no different this time. I am afraid that next time that I want to go away. I will have to take her outside of her home and have someone look out for her.

The memory is almost totally gone. A good portion of my day is spent playing hide and seek.

My brother is going away (out of country) for 3 weeks at Christmastime. It is good that my sister will come home (she is out of province) for the weekn between Christmas and New Years. I am dreading the thought of being totally responsible for her for the 2 remaining weeks.

I am able to access respite care now. I can get someone in for 4 hours a week. That has been helpful. I still need more.

Better sign off for now. I have gone on for too long.

Take good care of yourselves, my friends.

[Mich]

Thinking of you and sending *hugs* your way.

[aim]

Monty... so much on your plate. Please remember that you need time away too, ok? Not just your brother or sister, but you too. I know taking care of your mother is important to you, but please do not let it take the sanity right out of you at the same time. You are needed, loved, and cherished by so many. Your children need their mother.

Can you get more than just four hours a week of respite? Is that possible? Are there any other relatives that can help you out more?