waiting

[gentleconundrum]

Two weeks ago, my 72 year old father had an operation to remove a urethral stricture. The operation was successful and he appears to be making a good recovery.
However when they did the operation they found a 'patch of something' in his bladder. A sample has been sent away for testing. The results should be due next week sometime. It could be an ulcer from the infection that caused the stricture - or it could be bladder cancer. I am so scared. So is Mum. I'm doing my best to support my parents, be there for them as much as I can.

In the midst of all this, my workplace has just undergone a major restructure and I along with the rest of my grade who stayed on, got promoted. This started literally the week after my Dad's op and I'd been off work and at my parents'/the hospital all week. I work for my local council''s library service, and we've just got through a year of legal wrangles about closures and delays and stress beyond stress. And interviews!

I'm exhausted, sad, and physically run down.
But in the midst of this I am finding strengths I didn't realise I had.
Just, sometimes I feel so very alone. I have good professional support, and kind colleagues. I just ache for a friend's shoulder to cry on.

[Obayan]

I know it's really hard, but whatever happens will happen. I'm glad you have a good strong support system for you as well. And being there for your family is #1. Congrats on the promotion as well. Sounds like you are on the right path that you need to be on for you right now.

We have a chat room here too if you would like to try it out.

[E-Bee]

I'll be sending all the positive thoughts and energies your way that I have! I have an old and very sick pappa too, I know how hard it is!
Best wishes!

[gentleconundrum]

Thank you both. The strain is really starting to show in my face. I'm SO tired. And yet I keep going - I have to. Those lonely moments ache so much though. And the anxiety. I just keep riding the emotional waves. I'm so worried about my Dad - he's eating loads but doesn't seem to be gaining any weight. It was frightening to see how much weight he'd lost when he put the hospital gown on.
I have new managers and a new team at work, despite [thank God] still working in the same places. That's rather daunting, but I'm navigating all that, to the best of my ability.

[E-Bee]

I hope you have family and friends to support YOU as well. That's a lot on your shoulders there atm.
I hope you'll find some rest (meditation or just sth you enjoy doing for your mind/heart/spirit) inbetween all this chaos. Hug.

[Obayan]

gentleconundrum sending you good wishes and warm hugs in your troubled time.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( gentleconundrum )))))))))))))))))

A warm and gentle hug coming your way. We have solid and wide shoulders, feel free to use them. What we are here for, to support one another.

Warmsoul

[gentleconundrum]

Thanks everyone, your kind words mean so much.

E-Bee, I don't really have any friends, and that is part of the problem. I need friends. Just, I've isolated myself for so long - you know how depression can be?
I do have a Befriender through Mind, and my flatmate. But my flatmate is going through her own struggles following a marital separation, which can make her quite self absorbed. I have a few now ex-colleagues, who have moved location with the restructure. One phoned me the other day, and that meant so much.
Regarding family, my parents are really the only close family that I have now. And I'm trying to help them, at times it's frustrating though. Today I discover that the earlier scan didn't show up any tumours, but at the op they found this 'patch' and it has warranted testing. The thing is, there is a type of bladder cancer that looks like an ulceration, and even if it is as 'simple' as an ulcer, what do they do with that? My parents had a chat with their practice nurse today [their GP is away, and the nurse is apparently easier to talk to] but it didn't seem to lead to anything. Maybe it helped them though.... Good news is that my Dad is putting on weight. That's something in my mind at least that's a bit of a relief.