Advice please - Re-funeral

[qu3456]

Hi all,

My sister's husband has died suddenly from a heart attack on wednesday.

The funeral will be next week, don't know which day yet.

I am already in panic mode with my anxiety gone through the roof, anything to do with death, dying, funerals etc are a major trigger for me.

I have only ever been to 1 funeral in my whole life, I will usually find an excuse as to why I cannot go but I just can't not attend this one. I have always dreaded family members dying.

I do have small dose of diazepam available on an as needed prescription but I have to be very careful as I was totally addicted to diazepam (60mg a day) and was admitted to psychiatric hospital where it took about 5 weeks of hell to wean me off that dose, that was 3 years ago.

If anyone has experienced a similar situation or can just offer some advice I would be very grateful.

Thank you,

qu.

[Obayan]

A funeral is a rite of closure. If you can not bring yourself to attend, then maybe just attend the wake afterwards? I'm sure people will understand.

[crystalgaze]

Hhmm.... Let's see.... Most times, I don't go to funerals. Usually, it's not someone close to me.

What my family & I always do is sit near the back. We would even take turns going outside or so. Sometimes I was outside for a while because I just didn't want to be like everyone else (in tears & so on).

Maybe you can do the same. I don't know.

You tell your sis that you're coming because you want to support her, but that you will not be at the front/very visible.... You can go to her BEFORE the service starts. Maybe you can even go to her again before everything moves to the yard & after the official burial.

I don't know.... Those are just my thoughts. It is a hard one to call. Perhaps, some of what I've written has given you food for thought, so you can build a plan that will help you cope best.

[qu3456]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply.
I will take on board your suggestions, very helpful.
Thanks again.

qu

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( qu )))))))))))))))

Call your doctor and explain the situation. Perhaps they could help you out. Just a thought.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Another thought I had: If it is an open coffin funeral, I always try to stay furthest from it. If it is in the back, then it's the front. If it is in the front then I stay at the back. If it is moved from the back to the front at any point, I may move again as well. If moving is inconvenient, then what I make sure to do from the beginning is sit in a place farthest from the middle aisle, sit in a place where I know the coffin will not/cannot pass.

It also helps to remember why I am there, which for me most times it's to help send off the departed [hopefully] in peace.

[qu3456]

Hi all,

I am just back from the funeral.

It was a very bad day for me, but at least it is over now.

I didn't sleep a wink last night and actually threw up several times anticipating what was to come.

I did take some diazepam (6mg) and I think it helped the panic a little but not as much as I would have liked.

I ended up sitting with my family at the front with the coffin in full view and I don't know why but everytime I looked at it it was if I could see right into it and it was me lying in there not Rob, I actually had a vivid picture in my mind that I was lying in the coffin, weird I know but I couldn't help it.

After the service I just could not face the burial and definately not the socialising afterwards and made my excuses and left for the journey home. All the way home I felt guilty I had not stayed for the rest of it.

I still feel quite ill, but keep telling myself it is anxiety , but think it will take a good few days to get over it.

Regards,

Qu

[crystalgaze]

(((((((((( Qu ))))))))))))))))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( qu3456 ))))))))))))))))))

Now to go forward, as hard as it might be.

Warmie