feeling like I wish I could just hide in a corner

[brownette]

I feel rather selfish since I just joined this group for posting but I don't know who to turn to. I can't go to my therapist right now and I'm feeling desperate. I'm not feeling suicidal or anything, just rather hopeless.

My boyfriend and I live together and about 75% of the time we get along great. I suffer from major depressive disorder, anxiety and PTSD. He suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. Well, at the moment neither one of our meds are working as they should which is creating a huge mess. He has been extremely nasty to me, won't do ANYTHING around the house and is unpleasant to be around. If I had any money, which I don't because I'm on disability, I'd go somewhere and do something, but I feel trapped. Besides the fact that I own the condo where we live and I don't want to kick him out. I know its the disease so I'm trying to be patient, but its so hard when you are really depressed yourself. Anyone have any suggestions? I told him this morning and last night that he was mistreating me and he shrugged it off. I tend to isolate when I'm depressed so I don't feel like going anywhere. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not eating, my meds have stopped working and I can't afford another doc visit right now and all I feel like doing right now is curling up in a ball and going back to bed. I don't even feel like watching TV.

Thanks for listening.

[Obayan]

Your disability should cover medical coverage including therapy. Check with your social worker as to what programs are available to you right now. As for the b/f, it's never ok to treat someone else badly. Never. If he isn't handling his disease very well, then he needs to get help for it. But mistreating you isn't going to help and neither is ignoring it when he does this to you.

[brownette]

Unfournately, the free clinics in town have lost their funding so I have to go to a private practice. After my medicare that leaves about 35.00/visit.

I've tried to "make" him get help but he won't and there isn't any way for me to force him to do it.

[brownette]

Thanks for your suggestions though. I appreciate you taking the time to answer.

[crystalgaze]

When I read this, my suggestion was kick him out, just like you had said you didn't want to do, but I don't know your entire situation. I'm not sure if my post was particularly helpful..... (I tried, though.)

[Obayan]

You can't "make" someone else get help. They have to do that for themselves. But you can't take responsibility for it when they don't seek the help they need either. I do think this is a relationship that could go wrong in so many ways very quickly though. Please do seek the help that you need in order to be ok.

[cloudwalker]

I can't begin to understand your complex situation but I can talk a little about mine. Both myself and my partner suffer with mental health issues but we knew this when we chose to be together. Central to everything for us is a firm commitment that we love and care very deeply for each other. He is my soul mate and I won't let anything come between us. That said the rows we can have are awful and the episodes of mania, anxiety and depression can make us both into difficult people. On top of this is the fact we have been struggling to pay bills for our whole relationship. So far the way we have managed to stay together is to understand that when we 'lose it' and say horrible things that it is merely an expression of our head issues and not a personal attack. It takes a lot of understanding and forgiveness but this is how we can work through these things. I work, do all the house work and take on a lot of responsibility for us but in return I know that I am making life better for the person I love the most. My problem is that I lack the support I need sometimes but I am working on that. I am waffling but what I mean to say is, don't forget to tell each other that you love each other even if it's hard to do so. Sometimes a cuddle, although it doesn't feel easy to do, can remind each other that you are on the same team. Good luck with things, I hope this helps.