Ok so my life has changed dramatically
I'm on a limited amount bland diet, I have to take pills all day so I can eat
I'm constantly in pain all the time.
I can never do all the physical things I used to love like running weights and martial arts, I may lose my job because its also very physical.
I am suffering immense depression because of all this and am in danger.
I think in order for me to make progress the old me has to die figuratively speaking, I have to accept I can never do the things I used to love, I need to accept my current condition and its limitations, I need to accept that I may have to make more changes in the future.
The big problem is I can't stop thinking about the what ifs and how things would have been right now if all this hadn't happened to me, and how much my life sucks right now, and that the prospects for the future seem rather bleak.
But I keep thinking about the past me and it breaks my heart things were going so well the future looked so bright and now this.
I just don't know how to move on and its putting me at risk, can anyone help?
How to put the past behind you
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Justin, i was an athlete. Very active. I was on the city swim team, city bike riding team, my school rodeo team, pitched in softball and ran track. When i joined the army, i won the flag for my unit on the physical fitness tests and it flew proudly over my baracks for a year straight. I went rock climbing once a week. I worked two full time jobs and came home and played neighborhood football with the local kids on the block. I dated. Oh man, did I date. I was young, pretty, healthy and I lived like there was no tomarrow. I drank and I danced and I lived like there were no consequences. Then I got sick. And as time passed, I got worse. Now, today, I sit at home and watch the same dvd's over and over again. I look forward to the one day a week i have my grandson overnight, but I can't even pick him up or sit in the floor and play with him. I can't eat what I want. I can't drink what I want. I can't do most of the things I would love to do. I have to ride in a wheelchair to go with my family out to the zoo. Does that mean my life is over? Do I just give up now? No. I'm still the same person inside that did all those things and loved to smile and laugh all day. And that person needs to be expressed and nurtured. I still have a lot of love to give to those around me. I may not be the one doing those things anymore, but I can share the stories and the tales of days gone by. I still, late at night, turn on the music and remember dancing on stage in a contest and singing my heart out at the audience. And I can smile at the memory. Because I was there. Right in the middle of it all. Life surrounded me, not the other way around. And it still does.
There is hope. Yes, I had to adjust, and so will you. But you can do it. Life is still worth living to the fullest. Even if that fullest means a little less than it did before.
There is hope. Yes, I had to adjust, and so will you. But you can do it. Life is still worth living to the fullest. Even if that fullest means a little less than it did before.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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((((((((((((((( Justin )))))))))))))))))))
Remembering the past is good and bad. For you see your accomplishments and your failures. This is where we learn. Learn what we were capable of and the lessons that came with it.
For the present, accept things as they are and think of ways to improve on what you can do, not what you can't do now. As we get older things change, just sad we didn't come with a manual at the beginning.
Hardest thing for me to do is seek the positive, but I will keep looking, for inside of me, I refuse to give up or give in.
Another good reason for this forum, to get input from others, hear of what the go through and do and get the encouragement not to just throw hands in the air and stop trying.
Knew someone that went from a strong healthy person to one living in a wheel chair, depending on lots of medication to make it through the day. Yet when someone ask how they were, the answer would be, "I'm doing fine, now tell me, how are you?" That is a strong will. Past that on to many.
Do all you can to stay mentally strong, seek, your answers are there for you to find.
Warmie
Remembering the past is good and bad. For you see your accomplishments and your failures. This is where we learn. Learn what we were capable of and the lessons that came with it.
For the present, accept things as they are and think of ways to improve on what you can do, not what you can't do now. As we get older things change, just sad we didn't come with a manual at the beginning.
Hardest thing for me to do is seek the positive, but I will keep looking, for inside of me, I refuse to give up or give in.
Another good reason for this forum, to get input from others, hear of what the go through and do and get the encouragement not to just throw hands in the air and stop trying.
Knew someone that went from a strong healthy person to one living in a wheel chair, depending on lots of medication to make it through the day. Yet when someone ask how they were, the answer would be, "I'm doing fine, now tell me, how are you?" That is a strong will. Past that on to many.
Do all you can to stay mentally strong, seek, your answers are there for you to find.
Warmie
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
I'm not experiencing the physical problems that you are, so I can't really advise you there, sorry! 
I do very much agree with (((( Obayan )))) and (((( Warmsoul )))), please " stay mentally strong, seek, your answers are there for you to find. "
My problems are not so much physical, but emotional/psychological. Like (((( Warmsoul )))), the hardest thing for me is to seek the positive, particularly about myself. I often feel all too much like I've been taking stock of myself, and I'm not exactly AT& T, as the old joke goes!
. A not terribly impressive guy, not earning that much money, doing what feels like a rather meaningless job, not terribly well, and trying not to let my feelings of emptiness, despair and worthlessness spill over into other people's lives.
However, I remind myself that's that not all there is to me. Who knows what other events and people I might encounter in the world and the future? I might yet find environments where I can develop possibilities about myself that at present I don't even imagine. I might find answers to my questions, at least some of them. I might even be able to help other people find their own meaning and answers. And so might you. I hope that you find at least a glimmer of hope that will sustain you in your search for, and and journey to, better times.
To borrow a phrase from Maya Angelou, " The past for all it's wrenching pain, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. "
I do very much agree with (((( Obayan )))) and (((( Warmsoul )))), please " stay mentally strong, seek, your answers are there for you to find. "
My problems are not so much physical, but emotional/psychological. Like (((( Warmsoul )))), the hardest thing for me is to seek the positive, particularly about myself. I often feel all too much like I've been taking stock of myself, and I'm not exactly AT& T, as the old joke goes!
. A not terribly impressive guy, not earning that much money, doing what feels like a rather meaningless job, not terribly well, and trying not to let my feelings of emptiness, despair and worthlessness spill over into other people's lives.
However, I remind myself that's that not all there is to me. Who knows what other events and people I might encounter in the world and the future? I might yet find environments where I can develop possibilities about myself that at present I don't even imagine. I might find answers to my questions, at least some of them. I might even be able to help other people find their own meaning and answers. And so might you. I hope that you find at least a glimmer of hope that will sustain you in your search for, and and journey to, better times.
To borrow a phrase from Maya Angelou, " The past for all it's wrenching pain, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. "
Last edited by TackingIntoTheWind on Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I agree.... Obayan summed it up pretty well.... There were lots of things I used to do--used to love to do, etc. & then I got sick.
Indeed, it's the getting sick part that was the major bummer. There is still a lot more to be done. I admit that I'm tired now and was even pretty discouraged lately. However, no one's going to do it for me.
I figured that so long as I am here on this planet, I would like to do something I can be proud of, whatever that is. It is not going according to plan, but I can still try for it.
It's just right now I'm having a tough time. You're having your tough time right now. I think a lot of people are, but I do think there is a way to do damage control & adjust.
Hang in there.
Indeed, it's the getting sick part that was the major bummer. There is still a lot more to be done. I admit that I'm tired now and was even pretty discouraged lately. However, no one's going to do it for me.
I figured that so long as I am here on this planet, I would like to do something I can be proud of, whatever that is. It is not going according to plan, but I can still try for it.
It's just right now I'm having a tough time. You're having your tough time right now. I think a lot of people are, but I do think there is a way to do damage control & adjust.
Hang in there.
It all just seems so pointless now I don't think I can ever be happy again.
I know it may take time and its been explained to me that theres a grieving process to go through
And that once the pills I'm taking kick in things may seem a little better.
I'm really trying to hang in but my poor health and my mindset from all the loss is beating me down pretty bad, I just seem to have lost interest in everything even life.
I'd have to say the only reason I'm even bothering to make an effort is because I don't like the idea of hurting people I know.
I know it may take time and its been explained to me that theres a grieving process to go through
And that once the pills I'm taking kick in things may seem a little better.
I'm really trying to hang in but my poor health and my mindset from all the loss is beating me down pretty bad, I just seem to have lost interest in everything even life.
I'd have to say the only reason I'm even bothering to make an effort is because I don't like the idea of hurting people I know.
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Crista5387
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 3:00 pm
- Location: Vancouver
Justin
I can kind of understand where your coming from with your physical future being different. I had a very successful sports career on the fast track to playing for team canada, when I injured myself and needed surgery. They say I won't be able to play like I used to, and that I might not be able to play at all. The news of my injury was devastating and at first I didn't know what to do with myself. I can't even go for a run anymore, and I used to work out 7 days a week, with asperations to be in the olympics.
But the point of that backstory was to tell you that I have had to find joy in new things. I took some time to be sad and try to sort out my disappointment, because there was no denying I was upset and angry that this had happened. But I've started coaching more teams and being involved in different ways then I used to in the sport that I loved. It's not the same, and I still miss what I used to have. But there is a different level of joy that I would have never known had this change not happened in my life.
I was always raised to believe that everything happens for a reason. And even tho at times that saying has made me so angry and confused, it is a good viewpoint to have. I'm on a new life path. Not the one I had imagined, but I'm trying to be the best person I can be.
I am sorry about your pain. Its a hard change to adjust to, but I believe you can do it!
I can kind of understand where your coming from with your physical future being different. I had a very successful sports career on the fast track to playing for team canada, when I injured myself and needed surgery. They say I won't be able to play like I used to, and that I might not be able to play at all. The news of my injury was devastating and at first I didn't know what to do with myself. I can't even go for a run anymore, and I used to work out 7 days a week, with asperations to be in the olympics.
But the point of that backstory was to tell you that I have had to find joy in new things. I took some time to be sad and try to sort out my disappointment, because there was no denying I was upset and angry that this had happened. But I've started coaching more teams and being involved in different ways then I used to in the sport that I loved. It's not the same, and I still miss what I used to have. But there is a different level of joy that I would have never known had this change not happened in my life.
I was always raised to believe that everything happens for a reason. And even tho at times that saying has made me so angry and confused, it is a good viewpoint to have. I'm on a new life path. Not the one I had imagined, but I'm trying to be the best person I can be.
I am sorry about your pain. Its a hard change to adjust to, but I believe you can do it!
The past has a way of popping up when we don't want it to. When I get like that, I write it down. When i'm done, i write down good stuff too. I read thru everything I just wrote. I spend the time to recognize the bad, but I also allow just as much time to the good stuff. And i always end with the good, not the bad. That way it isn't allowed to linger. ANd if it does, then i do it again. It sounds like something so small and silly, but it really does work for me. I have a horrible background. Lot of pain. But even as bad as it was, there were moments in there that were good too if i search for them.
I've been getting worse lately I hardly do anything now, I just sit in my chair and do hardly anything all day unless I really have to.
The antidepressants I'm on are going ok I don't feel like I want to cry all the time anymore(although I can't actually physically cry for some odd reason)and the pain and nausea from my physical illness seem alot less since I've been taking them.
Got sorted out to take guitar lessons at a drop in centre tommorow, always wanted to learn since young but at the moment really doubt I'll be able to make myself do the practice needed to do it.
Still considering a final exit as the ideal solution but try to keep putting it off, whenever no ones around the urge becomes strong I think thats why when I was alone and Found out the other day a guy I knew got killed in a stupid accident that pushed me over the edge, came pretty close myself but my body or subconciousness caused me to panic and freed myself before I passed out.
The antidepressants I'm on are going ok I don't feel like I want to cry all the time anymore(although I can't actually physically cry for some odd reason)and the pain and nausea from my physical illness seem alot less since I've been taking them.
Got sorted out to take guitar lessons at a drop in centre tommorow, always wanted to learn since young but at the moment really doubt I'll be able to make myself do the practice needed to do it.
Still considering a final exit as the ideal solution but try to keep putting it off, whenever no ones around the urge becomes strong I think thats why when I was alone and Found out the other day a guy I knew got killed in a stupid accident that pushed me over the edge, came pretty close myself but my body or subconciousness caused me to panic and freed myself before I passed out.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
I write my thoughts, when it gets to be too much, let it all come out. Then I read, read again, let it filter out of my thoughts and destroy my writing. Something about getting rid of the written thoughts that truly helps me, clean my mind, think clearly on how things are and go on.
Crazy as it sounds, it does work for me.
Warmie
Crazy as it sounds, it does work for me.
Warmie
Well I went and had the guitar lesson wasn't thrilled about the whole day but got my guitar ou that night and practiced and next day I was much better.
I think my antidepressants are starting to have more of an effect as I don't feel like crying all the time anymore and not quite as tired, Also I think the guitar has given me a new purpose I'm determined to master it and practice as many times a day as my sore fingers and schedule allow usually 2-3 half hour sessions although I'd really like to be doing more I have to admit its the most challenging thing I've ever tried to master.
Started getting back into my favourite videogame again although I always seem to be busy doing other stuff so not spending as much time on it as I used too, started going for walks more than once a day and did some pressups and similiar exercises as well have a workout plan sorted out to get myself conditioned for when I go back to work.
Getting much more accomplished lately still feel really sad sometimes when I think how messed up my health is and how I won't be able to do things that were the centre of my unverse for so long but I guess it might get easier as time passes.
I think my antidepressants are starting to have more of an effect as I don't feel like crying all the time anymore and not quite as tired, Also I think the guitar has given me a new purpose I'm determined to master it and practice as many times a day as my sore fingers and schedule allow usually 2-3 half hour sessions although I'd really like to be doing more I have to admit its the most challenging thing I've ever tried to master.
Started getting back into my favourite videogame again although I always seem to be busy doing other stuff so not spending as much time on it as I used too, started going for walks more than once a day and did some pressups and similiar exercises as well have a workout plan sorted out to get myself conditioned for when I go back to work.
Getting much more accomplished lately still feel really sad sometimes when I think how messed up my health is and how I won't be able to do things that were the centre of my unverse for so long but I guess it might get easier as time passes.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
Well bad news
I'm crashing again, the guy at the drop in centre wasn't there for the lessons on the thursday and near the end of the week I just felt so exhausted I went back to doing the bare minimum and sitting in my chair all day.
I figured I'd ring up another guitar tutor and see about jacking up an extra lesson she said she'd ring back over the weekend and never did
I'd allready started downhill on the saturday and didn't bother to practice guitar I was like why bother?
Now I seem to be almost back at the start again I feel like crying now and can't be bothered to do much, still pushing myself to go for walks and workouts though its not really helping though.
I'm crashing again, the guy at the drop in centre wasn't there for the lessons on the thursday and near the end of the week I just felt so exhausted I went back to doing the bare minimum and sitting in my chair all day.
I figured I'd ring up another guitar tutor and see about jacking up an extra lesson she said she'd ring back over the weekend and never did
I'd allready started downhill on the saturday and didn't bother to practice guitar I was like why bother?
Now I seem to be almost back at the start again I feel like crying now and can't be bothered to do much, still pushing myself to go for walks and workouts though its not really helping though.
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