trust?

[sunsetsfade989]

I guess I’ll start by saying I have trust issues, which is a huge understatement. That being said i don't trust psychiatrists in general. I mean think about it, you are expected to open up and tell your deepest darkest secrets to a total stranger, to a person you know nothing about. They expect you to tell them things you wouldn’t tell you best friend or sibling. You are supposed to show them the worst of you that you hide from the world. Why? What have they done to earn you trust? Nothing really, except take your money. And if you are anything like me money is rather hard to come by when you are fighting the demons of depression. Now even though that is how I feel I recognized that I needed help. I had to see someone, so I took the plunge. I had seen a few different psychiatrists’ yeas ago and it didn’t work out. I never trusted them and always though they were completely wrong in what they said. As a matter of fact i still think they were wrong. Never the less, I did it I found someone to see and I actually Trusted her. Miracle of miracles right. Well I went on seeing her for a good while, and it was even helping. Then I ran out of money. As I’m sure many of you know therapy is expensive and insurance is hell when covering mental help and doesn’t cover enough. I knew the day would come when i ran out of money but that’s not even my biggest problem here. My psychiatrist promised me that she would help me through this, that she would always be there for me. She said we would see it through to the end. She said that many times and once she asked me if I believed her, I said yes, but in my mind all I could think was you will be there for me till I can't pay to see you. I think I didn't say it out loud cause I was hoping that it wasn’t true and that something would happen that would allow me to continue seeing my psychiatrist. But then the day came when I couldn't pay and I no longer see her. She said to come back when my situation changes, meaning when I have money to pay the fees. The thing is I'm Really hurt and upset by the entire situation. I know that this is her job and livelihood and she has bills to pay and loans to pay off just like everyone else. I know that she is a good person and a good doctor, but knowing and excepting those things doesn’t help. I'm not really sure what I expected out of her, but I hoped for more. How do you trust someone who only listens because you give them money? She is the only psychiatrist I ever trusted, and even if I had money to go back I'm not sure I would because I'm so upset by it all. Furthermore, I don't won’t to see anyone else because one I don't trust them to begin with and two when a good person and psychiatrist does that what hope is there for someone new? The few close friends and family members I have tried to talk about this with think I’m wrong. Maybe I am but that doesn't take away the hurt. Then again they have never been in therapy.

[sunsetsfade989]

I don’t expect and answer or a fix to this problem but I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and feelings. Thanks!

[xn728]

I have suffered from severe depression for over 40 years and have seen many phychartrists ,,,and as you have found its hard to trust them ,,like wise we dont know them ,,for all there learning i havent found one yet that has suffered from this terrible illness ,,and yes i do ask them ,and i do tell them that i do not trust them ,,no matter how clever they are or how much studying they do or have done ,unless they have suffered ,they can never understand the pain we face daily ,gripped by something so powerful it even governs our thoughts ,,fortunatly living in the uk i dont have to pay for treatmnt ,,and i have many freinds overseas who suffer because they have no money and i find this very upsetting ,,all i would like to say is if your paying ,weather you trust them or not ,tell them how you feel and open yourself up to them ,you must have confidentiallity ,and if you dont tell them the truth then you may not get the help you need,,its hard to talk i know that ,but if you read some of my posts here and other users you may see that sometimes we have to hold our hands out ,and let that pain go ,we all didnt know anyone when we first came here ,but now i have some wonderful freinds ,some even call me there brother ,and being an only child that is a great honour ,,im just trying to let you see how we must sometimes open up and let it go ,here you will find many who will embrace you as you hopefully post more about yourself ,,i always say to new users ,,if you should stumble on this long dark road we travel ,,then reach out and i will catch your fall ,,,,its up to you at the end of the day to see if you can trust this phychartrist ,maybe look beyond the money and see the human being this doctor is , i cannot gaurentee that trust ,,but this i can promise you ,,anything you post here on the forum will never go anywere else ,you will find trust here beyond compare ,and many freinds you will make ,you will never be judged ,and you will be understood ,you may feel alone but the pain you have is shared by thoasands all over the world ,,,never feel alone again ,does it give you a hint about trust ,,we,ll im not sure ,,,maybe im just reaching out so you know your not alone ,,,,ok must go now , mistrust doesnt exist here !,,I also suffer from p,t,s,d ,,and clinical depression ,,burnt my parents house down when i was 18 ,,lived a hell of a bad life ,untill i married ,,why should i say this to you ? because i trust you !
Welcome to the forum ,,,,,,hugs (((sunsetsfade989))),,,love ,,xn728 Ken